Salmond, Marr and the Charge of the Indy Light Brigade

Who is going to take the blame for the Firstminster’s poor recent showing on the Marr show? The BBC by the looks of it. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Salmond Charge of Indy Light Brigade

“Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die.” – The White Paper. P.1650, Oliver Cromwell Salmond.

By Lord Hustae Blame-Sumbdy

ANOTHER DAY and yet another sign that the Nationalists are losing the war of independence.

Lord Cardigan Salmond declared Lord Marr of Mediabias to be a cad and an instrument of ‘opinion’ in the destruction of the Indy Light Brigade’s charge for European Union.

Maintaining the delusion that his charge offensive – directed at the guns of the Currency and European Union brigade – should have been effective, Lord Salmond accused Lord Marr of Mediabias of hindering his ad hoc plan.

There will be “consequences” said Ensign Wishart of No-Consequence.

And there were.

The BBC published the story in full and said “Lord Cardigan Salmond, do your worst. Even with Master Bateman of Bitterness on your side, you’ll not intimidate us. Put up or shut up. Don’t you know a man with a grievance is a bore?”

There now follows the complete undabridged pathetically plagiarised poetic statement by Lord Tennyson Marr on Lord Cardigan Salmond’s folly and the magnificently futile Charge of the Indy Light Brigade:

1.

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the thirty three per cent.
“Forward, the Indy Light Brigade!
“Charge for the biased media!” he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the thirty three per cent.

2.

“Forward, the Indy Light Brigade!”
Who to a man were dismay’d!
Not tho’ the Cybernats knew
Someone had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to blame the media and die:
Into the valley of Referendum Death
Rode the thirty three per cent

3.

Tories to the right of them,
Labour to the left of them,
Media Sceptics in front of them,
Bluffed and blustered,
Storm’d at with Realpolitik shot and shell,
Boldly they rode not so well
Into the jaws of Referendum Death
Into the mouth of political Hell
Rode the thirty three per cent

4.

Flash’d all their assertions bare
Flash’d as they turn’d in air,
Sabring the media there,
Charging an army, while
All of Europe wonder’d:
Plunged in the media bias-smoke
Right thro’ the swine, thought they broke
Journalist and Presenter
Laughed at the sabre rattling stroke
Shattered and sunder’d
Then they rode back, but not
Not the thirty three per cent

5.

Tories to the right of them,
Labour to the left of them,
Media Sceptics in front of them,
Bluffed and blustered,
Storm’d at with Realpolitik shot and shell,
Boldly they rode not so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Referendum Death
Back from the mouth of political Hell
All that was left of their career
Left of the thirty three per cent

6.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All of Europe wondered.
Laughed at the charges they made,
Scoffed at the Indy Light Brigade,
The ineffectual thirty three per cent.

Shamelessly plagiarised from Poems of Alfred Tennyson,
J.E. Tilton and Company, Boston, 1870

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