A LACKLUSTRE limp biscuit campaign by the SNP in Coodenbeath will lead to miraculous victory in September says uninspiring SNP candidate. AhDinnaeKen asks, eh?
By Newspeak McGarry
THE EVIL Empire’s Red-Tory Labouring party trounced the forces of righteousness and sanctimony yesterday in a Coodenbeath by-election.
But Red-Tory party activists fear what the undercurrent of a huge 11 per cent electoral swing really means.
Some are whispering that it could be an omen of ill fortune for the great vote for ffrreeddoomm™ in September.
According to busted coopon faced Nationalist candidate Natalie McGarry, her humiliating lacklustre performance was only a ruse.
She reckons that it was all part of a cunning Nationalist plan to lull the Evil Empire’s forces into a false sense of security.
She said: “I was out on the doorsteps and a lot of people said to me:
“Listen hen, huv ye no got wan o’ they X-Box Wan’s in yer poket?
“Gies wan o’ thame the noo and ah’ll vote fur ye. If no, bugger off, Jeremy Kyle’s oan the telly.”
McGarry claims that messages such as that are Red-Tory code for voting Yes in the Neverendum.
Cringing, whinging, clandestine, forktongued, snake oil spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “Red-Tory Labour have fallen into oor trap. After this embarrassing rout, they’ll go back tae no takin’ us seriously. And then we’ll show them. There’s plenty of room for complacency.”