Moan McVulpine: How SuperSalmond demonstrated the future of things to come

MOAN reckons Firstminster SuperSalm singlehandedly saved Skintland and Grangemouth in one fell swoop.

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By Moan McVulpinePutting the myth into mythologising

THEY DIDN’T bend over backwards and let Ineos do unspeakable things to Skintland, but it felt like it when Unite unconditionally capitulated to every demand put forward by the chemical giant at Grangemouth.

Talk about the feeling of powerlessness in the face of corporate power – this was a powerful demonstration of the impotence behind being ‘put in your place’.

And now, the mythologising, the lionising of Salmond’s role in this throwback to 1920s industrial relations will take on a new representation.

Particularly with the Nationalists.

Take Anti-Scots Finder General, Joan McArthyalpine, and her latest éloges resplendissantes of SuperSalm’s alleged action in the saving of Skintland, the workforce and the Ineos petro-chemical plant.

The term “bashing heads“, “cajoling“, “negotiating“, “secret talks” are all power words bandied about as if anything other than ‘pleading‘, ‘begging‘, ‘surrendering‘ and ‘pandering‘ had anything to do with Ineos’s perceived volte face on the closure of Grangemouth.

We also have the Thatcherite phrase “tough talks” thrown into the mix in relation to SuperSalm’s alleged negotiations with Unite.

Ho hum, you can try and take the Tory out of Tartan Tory but at times of crisis it always slips back into its natural place.

A little light reading between the lines reveals next to nothing other than bluster, supposition and whataboutery.

Salmond allegedly convened “secret talks” with a prospective buyer. The inference being that if Ineos shut the plant down the secret buyer would step in and save the day. The Nationalist myth now being created suggests this somehow gave SuperSalm leverage in talks with Ineos. Haw haw!

No one’s denying the meeting took place, but it had to in order for SuperSalm to present the perception to the gullible public that his actions were anything other than supine surrendering to Ineos.

According to McArthyalpine, SuperSalm negotiated a £40 million subsidy for Jim Ratcliffe’s gas bill. Some may see that as compassionate, Ratcliffe is down to his last couple of billion after all and needs all the millions he can get, but this takes lieing down and letting yourself get kicked to another level.

Oh that SuperSalm could use his energy contacts to do such a thing for the rest of us mortals inhabiting the country. Or the people facing eviction due to the bedroom tax.

But Salmond’s messenger boy role between Unite, the UK government and Ratcliffe’s Ineos is now taking on a whole political legend momentum of its own.

No longer can it be claimed that Salmond is obsessed by his vanity project.

No longer can it be claimed that his secret dealings with the corporates help further his own career.

And no longer can it be claimed that Salmond doesn’t have the best interests of Salmond in mind

If anything, SuperSalm proved that he’s learned from his bitch slapping by Diageo in 2009.

He’s learned that total and unconditional surrender to the demands of greedy corporate exploitation is the only way to deal with people holding real power.

That’s why he bent over backwards for Ineos.

That is the future deal for Skintland.

And that’s why we need a Yes vote next year.

COMEDY RELIEF

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