Poor wee Skintland. Not only is it rich in natural resource, as we found out last week, it is also rich in Superheroes. AhDinnaeKen investigates:
By Deecee McComics
Narrator: Faster than a speeding sloth. More powerful than a loco Labour party. Able to leap on parliamentary aides in a single bound.
Average Jock 1: Look! Up in the headlines! It’s a turd.
Jock Wummin: It’s insane!
Average Jock 2: It’s SuperSalm!
Narrator: Yes, it’s SuperSalm. Strange visitor from another parliament, who came to Skintland with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. SuperSalm, who can change the course of mighty corporations, bend intransigent Unions in his bare hands. And who, disguised as a bloated Politician and profligate Firstminster of a mediocre Parish Cooncil, fights a neverending battle for troof, corporatism and the Tartan Tory way. And now, another sleep inducing episode in the adventures of SuperSalm:
SuperSalm and the capitulation of ordinary people to evil corporations
Narrator: There’s trouble brewing at the Petro-chemical plant. Benevolent international corporate tax avoiders need to put troublesome native workers in their place. Lex Luffer-Ratcliffe requires assistance in holding the country to ransom while shafting his workforce and simultaneously getting the taxpayer to gift him with trouser loads of risk free money.
Average Jock 1: No one in the world is capable of doing that!
Jock Wummin: Yer probably richt!
Average Jock 2: It’s time to call for SuperSalm!
SuperSalm: Stand aside keachy mortals! I shall use my superpowers to give Lex Luffer-Ratcliffe everything, and more, that he wants.
Narrator: SuperSalm and super little helper Lois Lane-Swindley do everything in their power to help shaft their own citizens.
SuperSalm: Another victory for corporate backscratching. I shall bask in the Nationalist mythologising of this victory for indecency and ‘civic progressive’ values for many months to come.
Look forward to more of this supine capitulation to corporate power Jock citizens. We will break free from the imperialistic yoke of the evil empire. Better a corporate slave than a Unionist slave.
Narrator: Next week we shall follow the adventures of SuperSalm as he demonstrates the best methods to keep parliamentary aides satisfied while still maintaining a ‘happy marriage’ with his super mum/wife.