Moan McVulpine: Skintland is a great wee country in more ways than just Indyref

Moan reckons the Commonweal Games will set a valuable lesson for any Skints unwilling to toe the Nationalist line.

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By Moan McVulpineMaking her bed and lying in it

THE TICKETS have gone on sale, the correction camps are in place and everything is pointing towards 2014 Glasgone being the most successful Commonweal games in the history of  world history ever.

We can look forward to rooting out non-patriots and those who would talk their country down using the saltire test. Anyone not keeping a saltire in their mum/wife’s bag will be assumed guilty as charged.

Because, in the Commonweal Games, unlike the Scolympics, we get the chance to villify the basturt English.

The Commonweal Games isn’t just a political inspiration. It’s a great example of how to brutally accuse people of being anti-Scots. What other excuse could there possibly be for not wrapping yourself in a saltire during the Commonweal games?

Many kids these days don’t know much about the origins of the Commonweal of 54 member blogs. These games will give us the excuse to shove Skintishness doon their throats.

It will have a lasting legacy for future generations. It will teach them that if they don’t appear patriotic enough they can expect to be ‘corrected’ – their parents too, for not being good enough in the ‘civic’ parenthood stakes.

This will present some really useful lessons for future generations. The main one being that Skintish soldiers were used as the shock troop ‘devils in skirts’ to militarily dominate, subjugate, oppress and occupy those bloody foreigners lands stupid enough to resist our English masters imperial aims. And, lest we forget, it made us rich beyond our dreams.

Despite blood origins, many in this country cling to the belief that the empire wiz nuthin’ tae dae wi’ us. They couldnae be mare wrang.

Skintish shock troops imposed more brutality and profited from others stolen resources proportionally more than the English.

An easy legacy to forget and ignore given our junior partner status.

From the conquered peoples vantage point, they blamed it all on London. And that’s what we Nationalist Front types do also. We will try and kid on it wiz nuthin tae dae wi’ us and align ourselves with an anti-London bias.

Nationalism works best with a common enemy and grievance to monotonously bang on about at every opportunity. It attracts the weak of mind, the dispossessed, the impotently frustrated and the out and out loonies – look at Joan McArthyalpine and some of her Nationalist Front friends.

Once, jingoistic types could get away with calling the English ‘poofs’ and any other insulting name they cared to conjure up.

Those days are passed now and in the past they must remain.

But we can still blame now and be the Nation again, that whinges against them, Westminster’s barmy and send them homeward, tae whinge again.

But the world moves on and, having gained independence, the Commonweal nations will probably say tae us, “Ha ha, that’s whit ye get for siding wi’ a big bully. Ye’s made yer bed – lie in it.

Glasgone 2014 will be proof of that.

We’ll still sleep in the same bed – according tae Eck – we just want mare o’ the covers.

COMEDY RELIEF

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