Salmond’s bleating heart is on the pulse of Project Feartie

JOURNALISM, in its highest idealistic form, is supposed to be about holding those in power to account, telling stories someone somewhere doesn’t want told and bringing light to areas of public consciousness kept too long in the dark. There’ll be nane o’ that in an independent Skintland according tae the Firstminster’s recent rant at Niggardly in the Highlands. AhDinnaeKen investigates:

Wet street causes rain shock. Five Pension Salmond asks "Why does it always rain on me?". Answers in crayon to your biased media of choice please.

Wet street causes rain shock. Five Pension Salmond asks “Why does it always rain on me?”. Answers in crayon to your biased media outlet of choice please.

By Longshanker – DEFCON 3 Chip on shooder alert

CYBERNATS AND moaning media monitor mendicants everywhere took encouragement from Five Pension Salmond’s ‘greetin‘ ower the media recently.

Addressing some working class types at Niggardly – the bleating heart of the media whinge – Mr Five Pensions whined that the “press are hugely stacked against” him.

Wags in the audience, looking at the ‘imposing’ figure of the Five Pensioned one, pointed at his stomach and numerous chins and laughed at the irony of the phrase ‘hugely stacked’.

Meanwhile, kicking in to full on grievance mode, the Five Pensioned one moaned at how unfairly his independence ‘vanity project’ was being treated by the Skintish media.

He whined: “I think by and large the broadcasters try to be fair. That’s why I only referred to the BBC as the ‘impartial British Brainwashing Corporation‘ once or twice.

“I know how to win friends and influence people in the media – ask the lovely Mr Murdoch or ‘Rupee’ as I get allowed to call him.”

The real embarrassment of the Five Pensioned one’s Niggardly speech came when he announced ‘open season’ on the press for Cybernats and moaning media monitor mendicants everywhere.

He bleated: “The bulk of the press is clearly in the Better Together operation fear camp.

“And if they keep doing it I’m going to tell my mum/wife.”

Supporters of the Bleating one were quick to pick up on the full scale ‘paranoia’ endorsement.

“This gives the online Bile and Blogs Brigade all the encouragement they need.” said one Revered pseudo-political hate preacher.

“Whatever we* do or say now, we* know the Firstminster has given us* the green light, my precious.”

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