MOAN MCVULPINE hits out at claims that Skintish independence would result in more expensive and jaggy toilet paper, and says that Skints will need it to clear up the post-neverendum sh*t.
By Moan McVulpine – Scaring more than the horses in feartie Skintland
PROJECT FEARTIE is reported to be the covert name the pro-independence campaign are calling themselves, in private.
It sounds like a self referentially parochial Braveheart Nationalist TV series, forever on repeat.
The problem with constantly being told you are a “coward” or an “inferiorist” or “dumb” or a “traitor” or “subjugated” is that you quickly get fed up, switch off and go and do something more interesting instead – like lick your English masters boots clean. Haw haw!
The Nationalists assertions on independence are exposed as substanceless bluster almost as a matter of tedious routine these days.
It’s so easy for their opponents, that sometimes the Bitter Thegither hauf-wits over extend themselves and start making stuff up, to see if they can get away wi’ it.
That might explain the recent mobile phone roaming story. Ye can imagine them sittin’ in their bunkers killing themselves laffin, thinkin’, “can you imagine the look on Joan McCarthyalpine’s ‘wee white whine’ face. She’ll probably write a whole whinging column in the Daily Ranger aboot it.”
Result! – as the Bitter Thegither scaremongering traitorous quisling inferiorists might say. Joanie took the bait, hook line and sinker. No?
And, oh, the aplomb with which she sets aboot the Bitter Thegither mob’s joke aboot phones.
In her hauf-jaked Daily Ranger rant she informs her bored rigid readers that, because Westminster controls the phone licences, Skintland loses oot. The implication being that Westminster deliberately starves us of phone coverage. And I thought that Bitter Thegither were being ridiculous.
What the Pinot Grigio guzzling one fails to mention is that the areas she singles out (signals oot) in her chipped shooder grievance piece, are some of the least populated areas of Europe, nevermind Skintland. So it’s much more likely that the mobile companies took a look at the map and said “naw, nay bugger lives there, no wurth covering.”
It’s not only Bitter Thegither that can make sh*te up apparently. Though to give the whinging plasticine parliamentary question dodger her due, she does talk about compelling the mobile and internet companies to cover areas that aren’t commercially viable.
One can only imagine what the telecoms companies think of that kind of talk – sounds like a Tartan Labour-Tory McClause 4. Ho hum!
Notice a pattern here? Of course you do. Joanie then goes on to trumpet the tediously tiresome big Nationalist disingenuous mantra – “With just 8.4 per cent of the UK population we contribute 9.6 per cent of the tax wealth.”
Like standard tedious political propaganda it has a modicum of truth in it – though it’s easily dispelled on closer inspection. But it helps Joanie build up to the big crescendo of Project Feartie’s ‘doing things differently here’ brand of scaremongering.
She then concludes that Westminster is oot tae get us by talkin’ her country doon. She cites lower wages (ironic given that that’s how we’ve been gettin’ sold tae foreign inward investment corporations), poverty and poorer infrastructure, including broadband and mobile.
And after that demolition of oor great wee country, she then warns that the really scary thing is staying within the dreaded UK. Gie’s sum o’ that jaggy toilet paper, ah’ve just sh*t ma pants.
Now that’s what I call positive campaigning. And it’s all part of the Nationalists’ Project Feartie.
Expect more of the same right through till sometime in September 2014. ZZzz… I can hardly wait.