According to the Labouring Party, millions of pounds wasted in the dispensation of cheap drugs, asprin and paracetemol, could be clawed back in Skintland, helping to save the lives of cancer sufferers. Despite this, Firstminster Big-C Salmond signalled a big fat Naw from the plasticine parliament.
By Petit Mort
A FIRSTMINSTER cancer victim told call Kaye today of how she’s been forced to leave her beloved Skintland in order to live.
Maureen Phlegming, 36, was told “tough luck we’ve got methadone to dispense” after specialists suggested the cancer drug Itkeepsyoualive would help.
According to a Skintish parliament cancer tax spokesperson, Itkeepsyoualive, is way too expensive for the “likes o’ us”.
He said: “A three month life saving course of treatment would cost £10,000.
“The Firstminster could spend three days in a hotel on a Ryder cup junket for that. Dae these cancer sufferers no huv a sense o’ proportion or perspective.
“We’re talkin’ aboot oor country here! Ms Phlegming should think aboot that afore she sterts talkin’ her country doon.”
But Ms Phlegming hit back: “I’m working class and I’ve put into the system all my life – and this is how I’m rewarded.
“I was going to vote Yes, but it seems to me that a Yes vote is a vote for death.
“The basturt English get these drugs and they eat their children, apparently.
“Instead of the Highland clearances, this period should be known as the Cancer Sufferer Clearances.”
Firstminster Big-C Salmond said: “Nuthin’ tae dae wi’ me. It’s the rest of the world and Westminster’s fault.”