Most CyberNationalist blogger ‘journalism’ is populated by people who can’t write, citing people who can’t persuade, to people who can’t think. Or something like that. AhDinnaeKen investigates the paucity of actual ahem, ‘professional journalism’, involved in the allegedly popular, polarising, CyberNationalist sites; NewsnatSkintland and Wangs Over Skintland.
IT’S NO secret both NewsnatSkintland and Wangs Over Skintland seriously consider themselves able to offer a viable alternative to mainstream journalism in Scotland.
Don’t laugh – too hard. Or, too much.
And, it’s no secret that AhDinnaeKen finds such self important and bombastic pretension, unbelievably hilarious.
Consider the recent Susan Kalmen virtual non-story created by the Hootsman. It’s running like an energiser bunny at present i.e. it just keeps going on and on and on…
The whole stooshie is based on a few misplaced tweets and a navel gazing woe-is-me blog authored by the alleged comedienne, Susan Kalmen, following some innocuous, allegedly comic, radio comments on the absurdity of the current Indy debate.
The Bitter Together Unionist establishment backed Hootsman ran with the headline “Susan Kalmen: Death threats for independence satire”, despite Kalmen never having claimed to have received death threats (real or otherwise) from anyone.
This fact appears to have completely bypassed G.A. Ponseybody, the author of a clunkily repetitive NewsnatSkintland monologue on the Hootsman’s virtual non-story.
The NewsnatSkintland report is well worth a look – for comedy value if nothing else.
If you ever take a media course or study the media, or decide to analyse the structure, narrative, and presentation of news stories, refer to this story of Ponseybody’s and file it under the ‘how not to do it’ file.
Ponseybody must have been drunk or in an uncontrollable apoplectic rage or suffered something which affected his judgement, to have produced such a second rate cistern of dribbling pish like this excuse for a story.
In the first paragraph, Ponseybody states that Kalmen “claimed to have been the victim of death threats”.
In the second paragraph, Ponseybody reminds us that Kalmen is at the centre of a row “after claiming to have been the victim of death threats”.
The third par, mentions the “claims” and then claims itself that Kalmen provided the quotes to a “pro-Union newspaper”. Newsnat’s claim is completely unsubstantiated throughout the proceedings.
By the fourth par, our erstwhile paladin of free and righteous journalism deigns to remind us again – in case we had forgotten from the third par – that there has been a “death threat claim”.
Paragraph five, second sentence, takes a great big club and smashes us over the head, right between the eyes, by yet again reminding us that Kalmen “has also claimed death threats were made”.
By the sixth paragraph, after suffering a pulmonary heart attack and being subjected to life saving CPR by some passing paramedics on their lunch break, Ponseybody further informs us that the Scotsman had “also claimed the comedienne had suffered “death threats””.
So, just in case you’re wondering, NewsnatSkintland is claiming that Susan Kalmen claimed that she had received death threats.
And, just in case you hold even a smidgeon of a doubt what this story is claiming, there is also a handy picture prominently captioned which, if you haven’t quite cottoned on yet, informs you that “Ms Calman has said she received death threats.”
Stop the bloody bus I want a wee wee. And a stiff non-minimum priced drink would go down well too after having to endure such blatantly amateur and tediously repetitive pish.
Ponseybody clearly isn’t one to let basic evidence get in the way of a chip on shooder grievance story. Especially if said grievance highlights, in his mind at least, the traitorous quisling degeneracy of the mainstream media.
The irony of the NewsnatSkintland story is, of course, that Ponseybody is perpetuating the same misleading assertion of the Hootsman, namely, that Ms Kalmen claimed to have received said death threats.
She did no such thing.
Other than the misconstrued and ‘dodgy’ headline, the original Hootsman story lifts its quotes attributed to Ms Kalmen directly from Ms Kalmen’s blog and at no time, whatsoever, makes the claim that the alleged comedienne received death threats.
The offending misunderstood quote is as follows:
“If we could stop the random name-calling, the swearing, the death threats (real or otherwise) then perhaps we could get somewhere.”.
Doh! Ponseybody, hide your head in shame you dolt.
Ahem, ‘professional journalism’ and ‘media monitor’ alert!
The Hootsman story also alludes to abusive online comments aimed at the alleged comedienne, following her cybernat offending Radio 4 ‘News Quiz’ broadcast, in which she had the temerity to lampoon the Indy debate.
Coincidentally, around the time of Kalmen’s infamous Radio 4 broadcast, a coterie of cybernats were in full chip on shooder, self inflicted, Unionist conspiracy, moral superiority, grievance mode, over at Wangs Over Skintland’s ‘media monitoring’ site.
If you’re not familiar with what happens in such CyberNationalist impregnated digital fortresses of truth, righteousness and sanctimony, it’s kind of like a love-in without the love.
Instead, the commenters, or Wangers as they are better known, coalesce around the Reverend ‘anointed one’ Campbell by sharing and articulating their displeasures and hurt at the anti-Scottish forces of ‘self-deprecation’ and ‘self loathing’ and ‘self humiliation’, currently sullying the purity, sanctity and reputation of their fatherland or Salmondland or whatever name they want to call the future independent political landscape of Skintland.
Wangs Over Skintland’s Rev Stuart Campbell was conducting the choir of hurt and betrayal to a crescendo of impassioned indignation over the alleged affront to our great wee Nation by those arrogant English basturts at Have I Got News For You (HIGNFY).
It was agreed by osmosis and empirical factual observation that HIGNFY was acting like a recruitment beacon for independence and had been moved from the ‘Pish list’ to the category of ‘Twat TV’.
And then there were the tirades against Kalmen herself. Second to mention her was a Wanger calling themselves Tiris. An individual who is associated with the Mugs Republic blog, who said: “Susan Kalmen, a Scottish comedienne, milked the English audience for laughs at her own country’s expense and lied about the currency issue.”
Well, fire up the pitch, pull out the hoods and prepare for a lynching boys. How daur she! In an Independent Skintland this kind of affrontery will be legislated for and dealt with.
Next up was Maid Marian whose contribution nails the source of the abusive mystery site being alluded to from the moment the non-story broke. She said: “I have just heard Saturday’s repeat of The News Quiz and couldn’t believe my ears when Susan Calman started her mocking rant.”
The key connector here is the phrase “mocking rant”. It’s directly quoted in a follow up Hootsman story headlined “Fiona Herslop tolerance call after Susan Kalmen abuse”.
Work your way backward to the original story and you’ll find all the bilious quotes aimed at Ms Kalmen are sourced from Wangs Over Skintland.
The following sentence is from the original Hootsman story: “Other web users accused Ms Kalmen of “lying” over the currency issue, “talking down” Scotland, making “insulting” comments, “hating her country” and “self-loathing”.”
Each and every quote attributed by the Hootsman to ‘web users’ can be sourced back to Wangs Over Skintland’s comment thread.
Hilariously, even now, after days of painstaking investigative journalism on Google and Twitter by Ultimate Wanger, Rev Stu, he still hasn’t had the awareness or guile to realise that his site is the source of the hate.
Even as late as this evening 5th May he frothed in a piece entitled ‘Let’s Play Pretend’:
“A second-rate comedian allegedly taking a few brickbats from some anonymous commenters, with no evidence to prove it even happened at all, got blanket media coverage last week (with the Herald claiming it was proof of, and we quote, “SNP intolerance”, despite nobody knowing who any of the alleged abusers were, let alone whether they had any connection to the SNP).”
For this situation we* take our metaphorical hat off to the guys at the Hootsman. This is the equivalent of them having bowled the Rev a double googly. How they must have roared with laughter to see Rev Stu, the ‘watcher of the watchmen’ floundering on Twitter and Wangs Over Skintland like a spit roasted half-wit desperately in search of evidence which was right under his nose on his metaphorical doorstep – his own site.
Now that’s what I call ahem, ‘professional journalism’.
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