Political lessons we can all learn…say goodbye to Independence

This week Moan believes the Skints should adopt a more positive attitude in the Independence debate by dropping the word ‘currency’ from our vocabulary.

Moan McVulpine providing 'service' to the Firstminster whenever he wants it.
By Moan McVulpine

ON THE wall of a primary school parliament somewhere in Edinborrow is a large drawing of a politician’s gravestone.

It’s in loving memory of somebody called “Sun King Salmond”.

The teacher told her kids that he buried himself under a hailstorm of assertion, deception, and pantsonfire bluster.

Some of his relatives are still going strong. “Fantasy” and “Delusion” are regular visitors to the parliamentary classroom.

I heard this story at the weekend from another of my ‘special’ friends, Nudge Nudge, the head of a small cheesey blog in a former mini-sterial area.

But I digress.

Mr Johnboy Swindley of Whollyrude primary parliament gave one of the funniest so called currency union rebuttals on Newsnicht I’ve ever heard.

He was addressing Gordon Quisling Brewer on BBC Skintland’s Unionist turncoat flagship programme Newsnicht Skintland.

His audience was made up of the committed, the non-committed and anti-Scots Unionists: people who refuse to be sold a pup unless that pup has a worthwhile tale to wag.

Unfortunately for the NSP, this is a pup that needs put down.

Mr Swindley spoke of how a foreigner dignitary calling himself the Chancer of the Exchequer drew no breath as he put certain Nationalist assertions on currency unions and Sterling zones to the sword. And on St George’s Day too – the dirty English Basturt!

This deadly blow should have come as no surprise to anyone. For too long the NSP has been peddling pish as fact and getting away with it.

Now, us Nationalists have found out that reality bites and bites hard when assertion is placed under forensic scrutiny.

For too long we have believed that to state it is to make it so.

We have been told that we will have a sterling zone; that we will have automtic entry into Europe without the need for any tricky conditions; and that we can shelter under a nuclear first strike military alliance while ditching our chief ally’s er, nuclear weapons.

If you tell a child a kiddy on story long enough, they will believe you.

That is why we must cling to our assertions despite the numerous damaging body blows we’re sustaining in doing so.

Too many Skints, we are glad to say, are like children – eager to drink of our fantasy assertion pish.

No matter how much our assertions are ripped to shreds, no matter how tired or bored our dead Firstminster looks, no matter how much credibility we lose, we wil continue making Barnum statement assertions.

Some people will swallow anything, no matter the evidence to the contrary.



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