That Wiz The Week That Wiznae #1

Another half hearted attempt at keeping AhDinnaeKen running due to creeping torpor, slithering ennui, ever present nihilism and out and out boredom at the increasingly cyclic repetitious tedium of the Neverendum debate. New AhDinnaeKen correspondent Roderick Random tries a quick half witted and utterly discredited attempt at summarising the week that wiznae.

"A liar begins with making falsehood appear like truth, and ends with making truth itself appear like falsehood." - William Shenstone.

“A liar begins with making falsehood appear like truth, and ends with making truth itself appear like falsehood.” – William Shenstone.  So, that’s Salmond’s political philosophy dealt with then.

By Roderick Random

Monday: Sterling Zone No More

Skintland got a heavy handed ticking off from a thoroughly discredited Towel Folding Bullingdon Poshboy Chancer who, despite his lack of credibility on virtually anything (including towel folding), still has the power to say F**k Off to a rUK currency Union with an Independent Skintland.

As the Fantasy Assertion Nationalist boys quite rightly pointed out, saying no to a currency Union would not be a credible option for a rUK driving headlong into catastrophic bankruptcy in the medium to long term. Just makes you wonder why the Nationalists want to be an integral part of such a potentially debilitating and difficult to avoid catastrophe.

It also begs the question: Could the Nationalists make any kind of meaningful demands in currency union negotiations when faced with a dominant foreign and potentially belligerent treasury?

Summed up – A truly terrible start to a terrible week for the Nationalists.

"He that hopes no good fears no ill." - Thomas Fuller. That's right kids! Vote Yes or No for more of the same.

“Scaredey Nat”

Tuesday: Scaremongering outbreak – time to get vaccinated

The Pantsonfire Troika of Messrs Salmond, Swindley and Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon concede political dominance on the currency issue to Bullingdon Towel Folding Chancer Osborne when all three begin talking about an outbreak of “scaremongering” amongst the Unionists.

In private, Baron Salmond let slip: “It’s Westminster’s and the Treasury’s baw, they get to say who plays in the gemme and whit the rules ur. Arrogant English Basturts, we never get picked furst.”

Summed up: Even if the Nats were right, they’re still wrong. They don’t make the rules on the currency Union issue. Get ower it.

No booze is good booze.

No booze is good booze.

Wednesday: Drunken evidence gets pished on by everybody

The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine tries to get its own back on the alcohol trade bodies which bitch slapped its alcohol pricing evidence back in 2008.

Back then, the pro-alcohol lobby had the temerity to talk up their business by blowing holes in the temperance and prohibition wing of the Nationalist Socialist Party’s asserted determination to impose Jakey Apartheid on the rest of Skintland.

The imposition, which the Nationalists hope will ensure a better class of alcoholic Jakey in Skintland ie the well off, is currently being treated like a cheap can of hooch in courts throughout Scotland and Europe.

Summed up: The benefits of a NSP majority dominated Unicameral government comes back to embarrassingly haunt it for the world to see in 3D Tartan-Assertion-Vision.

"Few would venture to deny the advantages of prohibitive temperance in increasing the efficiency of a nation at war with itself." - Joyless Scunner Sturgeon.

“Few would venture to deny the advantages of prohibitive temperance in increasing the efficiency of a nation at war with itself.” – Joyless Scunner Sturgeon.

Thursday: Solemn League and Covenant dismissed by Sturgeon

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon poured oil on the waters of the Kirk by poo pooing their call for a separate coronation for the likes of the Queen, Prince Chuck and his Royal progeny.

Originating from an area which still resonates with vivid oral tales and lore from the covenanting ‘Killing Times’, Roderick Random thinks Miss Leader Sturgeon’s offhand flippancy might just rebound by coming back and haunting her ill judged remarks.

The Kirk is all too easily written off due to its continuing decline in congregational numbers, but its spiritual leaders work within distinctive historical time frames with completely different temporal and spiritual perspectives.

The message coming from the pulpit however might just send voters in one direction or the other, depending on the respect paid to their vested wishes.

Summed up: Faith has just as much resonance in the spiritual realm as it does in the political. Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon would do well to remember that.


Boo! Hiss! Cancel my subscription to Private Eye. Boo!

Boo! Hiss! Cancel my subscription to Private Eye. Boo!

Friday: Have I Got Boos For You

Yet again, our humourless compatriots demonstrate that humour is a scarce resource in thin skin rich, hot air rich, oil rich, whisky rich, assertion rich Skintland.

The BBC’s London-centric Have I Got News For You audience voted that Skintland should “bugger off” and be denied access to the pound. The cheeky racist English basturts! Hope they lose their empire, er etc.

Cue hordes of Presbyterian, Humourless, Temperance, Prohibition and Irony Free independinistas insisting that such ‘condescendingly insulting’ satire will ensure victory in the most historic day in the history of history ever – er, sometime in September next year, we think.

Summed Up: They will rue the day etc etc. We have suffered this for 300 years etc etc. Basturt English etc etc. ZZZzzz etc etc!

Angus Robberson: Chinning the chin merchants for having too many chins.

Angus Robberson: Chinning the chin merchants for having too many chins to chin.

Saturday: Too wee, too poor, too stupit to change the tune!

AhDinnaeKen cannot recall any prominent Unionist, either positive or negative, actually using the too wee, too poor, yadda yadda mantra about Skintland’s chances of going it alone.

Yet, in an interview on AudioBoo, Angus Robberson MP, the SNP’s Furst Strike Chip On Shooder scaremongering attack poodle, insisted on putting words into the mouths of Bullingdon Chancer Osborne and his travelling pet Ginger Rodent, Fanny Alexander.

Robberson said: “They are running around trying to scare people into voting no. And I think it says something about the paucity of the argument in favour of the Union that the only case they seem to be making is that people in Scotland are uniquely poor, stupid and incapable of governing themselves.”

Hmm! Roderick Random doesn’t remember them saying that, quite the opposite in fact, but facts plainly don’t hinder Mr Furst Strike Robberson when he’s in full flow SNP assertion mode.

Summed up: Roderick Random is a keen anti-censorship advocate, but surely it isn’t asking too much of the Nationalists to slap a ban on the too wee, too poor, chip on shooder yadda yadda tedious mantra pish.

"It's so easy for propaganda to work, and dissent to be mocked". - Harold Pinter. Working out which is which is the problem in Skintland

“It’s so easy for propaganda to work, and dissent to be mocked”. – Harold Pinter. Working out which is which is the problem in Skintland

Sunday: The Nationalists Cannae Take It Captain

Even the most ardent Nationalist accepts that it’s been a bruising week for the Independence campaign. The cracks in the broad church are beginning to leak and the Nationalist Socialist Party is getting impatient with Baron Salmond’s lack of radicalism, vision or drive to break beyond the 30% support barrier.

Wars of Attrition are invariably won by the most firmly entrenched side and, in the Neverendum’s instance, that isnae the Salmond led forces of Nationalism and Self-Righteous Ffffrrrreeeeddddoooommmm™ Fighters.

As AhDinnaeKen has said before, Salmond’s bolt is mostly shot. He’s as much an asset as a liability to the Independence cause. They cannae win Independence with him, and they cannae win it without him.

Summed up: The Nationalist Indy dilemma needs mair than di-lithium crystals Captain. Phasers set to stun. Warp speed 10 etc etc.


Filed under CyberNats, Referendum

2 responses to “That Wiz The Week That Wiznae #1

  1. Alex Gallagher

    Funny and true. Like it.

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