Joan McAlpine and Co are leaving a horrible impression

As we countdown on the treadmill of tediousness to the Neverendum of Sep 18, 2014 – anti-comedienne Joan McAlpine believes there should be more prosecutions of satirists on the internet.

Moan McVulpine - delivering collateral damage every time she speaks
By Moan McVulpineThe politicians cannae take it Captain

SOME THINGS in life are too ridiculous to be taken humorously, says Roary Bremner, one of our sharpest satirists. He’s talking about Joan McAlpine and the Scottish plasticine parliament of course.

Certainly, he hasn’t enacted any impressions of Joan or the SNP front bench to date, because how can you make that bunch of comedians any funnier than they already are?

Roary was born in Scotland and that potentially makes him anti-Scots – depending on the jokes he cracks. Joanie’s list is ready and waiting.

Now he’s searching for the Nationalist funny bone but like Bono’s U2 tune: “He still hasn’t found what he’s looking for.”

He’d be as well looking for Sisyphus’s rock sitting atop a hill while sharing a drink with Tantalus.

Nationalists don’t do humour, intentionally at least, though invariably the political brand are unwittingly hilarious: Automatic entry to the EU? Tabling parliamentary questions on road safety and then being convicted for speeding? Yes means no – in terms of the debate?

Oh, my aching sides.

Onyhoo. Joan is as unwittingly hilarious on Twitter as she is in the Daily Ranger.

Witness her witless accusation and threat aimed at Longershanker the other day there. Pot throwing stones in the glasshouse at the shiny kettle or what?

And as for following misogynistic hate preacher Rev Stu-pid Campbell of Wangs Over Skintland, we’re gobsmacked.

We’d have thought that the “fair minded and honest” ahem, ‘professional journalist’ would have had her number in his bulging political contacts book. Y’know, like proper journalists do.

Instead, the “Tribune Journalist of Scotland” (don’t laugh), has to ask her to follow him so he can dm (direct mail) her with some Top Secret information.

That the Parliamentary Liaison Officer duly reciprocated speaks volumes.

The Rev is a self confessed misanthrope who wishes people dead in chemical fires while laughing at television images relaying the horror of 9/11.

Joanie had better watch who she is seen to be associating with.

Either that or it’s going to lead to a great big embarrassment for her, her leader, her party and her country.

But we knew that already. Didn’t we?

Now that’s what I call funny.

Birds of a feather flock together. Fools seldom differ. Ahem. professional journalists coalesce etc.

Birds of a feather flock together. Fools seldom differ. Ahem.  ‘professional journalists’ coalesce etc.

No sooner requested than done. Par 4.8 Ministers and their responsibilities. Does Joan really want her role associated with a hate preaching misanthropist?

No sooner requested than done. Par 4.8 Ministers and their responsibilities – “They should also exercise discretion…”. Does Joan really want her role associated with and tainted by a misogynistic hate preaching misanthropist? Answers written in crayon on a postcard please.



Filed under Moan McVulpine, Opinion, Wangs Watch

11 responses to “Joan McAlpine and Co are leaving a horrible impression

  1. Nationalists don’t do humour – Oh, that stings…

    • Thankyou Mr Scotlandshire.

      Oh, that stings…

      I’m not surprised. In the interests of fair minded and honest ahem, ‘professional journalism’, I referred to your site for verification.


  2. We, of course, do not indulge in professional journalism. Slavish political bias and distortion is our stock in trade.

    • Mr Scotlandshire…

      We, of course, do not indulge in professional journalism.

      Something you have in common with the Rev then. Well done!

      Slavish political bias and distortion is our stock in trade.

      As is the Rev’s. Double well done! Birds of a feather etc.


  3. I was initially surprised by your inability to discriminate between satire and actual journalism. but then I read a couple of your articles.

    • Helen

      Some people also have a faintly astonishing inability to distinguish satire from sub-15-year-old drivel that’s not even one hundredth as funny as the author smugly, wrongly and deludedly thinks it is. No doubt Longshanker will be able to inform us who those people are in a bitingly “satirical” fashion.

      Newman and Baddiel have a lot to answer for.

      • Thankyou Helen

        Pro-tip: Make clear what your comment is aiming at. Otherwise you read like a gibbering idiot.

        I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.

        Any more day to day advice and I’ll charge you a tenner I’m afraid. 🙂


      • Helen, since you’re alluding to maturity, perhaps a more substantive problem is that much of Scottish political discourse is conducted at the sub-15-year-old level, never mind the satire?

        Which is perhaps why the SNP are lowering the voting age for the referendum – not quite sub-15-year-old level yet, but give it time!

        Mind you, age is no barrier to humour, I mean check out this sarcasm from 75-year-old David Steel in yesterday’s Scotsman, which I suspect may have been left over from Monday’s edition:

        “The Scottish Parliament is a unique institution in the world. For its procedures and quality of its work it is now one of the strongest democratic institutions anywhere. Rightly, Scotland can be proud.”

        Good to see the old boy is not above having a bit of a giggle at an institution the development of which he was integral to.

    • Thankyou Mr Scotlandshire

      I was initially surprised by your inability to discriminate between actual journalism and ahem, ‘professional journalism’. Then I read your comment to Stuart Winton re the Rev and it explained it all – you don’t have a clue what journalism is.

      And as for your judgement. Anyone who calls Longshanker or Stuart Winton a “Britnat” plainly has no discrimination or judgement at all.

      Keep up the good work at BBC Scotlandshire. You’re doing a great job for the Nationalist cause.


      • Longshanker, Mr Scotlandshire displays the usual Wings-esque, black and white mindset and modus which sees everyone as either a friend on the one hand, or a trolling Brit Nat on the other.

  4. Stuart

    Indeed. The Rev accused me of being a Unionist on his site some time ago. Despite three explicit requests for evidence he produced nothing.

    He couldn’t, of course, there is none.

    When pressed, his typically disingenuous and evasive answer was:

    “Just because you challenge me to provide something I never at any point claimed to possess doesn’t mean I have to do what you want, dear.”

    Which is evasive longhand for ‘there isn’t any’.

    From observation, he usually uses “dear” when he’s been nailed and has no justifiable answer.


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