Day of Dustbinry: In 18 months Scotland will be free of Salmond at last

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon outlined to the NSP Synod yesterday the growth in her imagination from none at age 16 to full blown fantasy and delusion now. AhDinnaeKen takes a closer look.

Take down issue. Please let me know your name and contact number, I will contact you.

Take down issue. Please let me know your name and contact number, I will contact you.

By Asprin Nation

THE NEXT 18 months will witness the dullest most stultifyingly boring episode of accusation and counter accusation in Scotland’s devolved history according to Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon.

She declared to the Daily Ranger that the constitutional debate will open up social and political schisms in Scotland and the UK which could have far reaching consequences for years to come.

Miss Leader Sturgeon made the claim in her opening address to the Synod of the Converted, the Faithful and the Talentless assembled at InverYes yesterday.

She said: “There will be no stone left unturned, no straw left unclutched at and no chip on shooder grievance left unexploited before the next 543 days are out.

“If we can’t win the Neverendum by fair means, we will make sure we leave our impression on the country by foul.

I joined this pairty when I was 16 years old and never imagined for a minute that we would even get a sniff at a Neverendum.

“Look at me now, I imagine us getting automatic entry to the EU on our dictated terms while simultaneously keeping our independence in a Sterling zone free of Trident while sheltering under NATO’s nuclear umbrella.

“I may not have started out with much of an imagination then, but look at that exponential growth in fantasy output now. I’m making up for lost time! Thanks NSP.

Deputy Miss Leader Sturgeon is 82. She is currently set to undergo a  course of NHS Lothian treatment for dementia, hubris and florid hallucination.

Due to NHS cooking of the books she is expected to undertake her real reality treatment in approximately 78 weeks time, subject to political availability.

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