Salmond prepared to massage media bias figures to ensure “political unavailability” of governmental scrutiny.
By Sensor Schipsalmond
MEDIA OUTLETS caught manipulating the truth and righteousness of Scottish government proclamations are set to be punished by new SNP media legislation it has been revealed.
Proprietors, Editors and journalists will be put on NHS styled waiting lists where those found to be ‘uncompliant’ will be ‘marked’ as “unavailable for political reasons”.
The proposed legislation has sent a deserved chill of fear throughout the Unionist biased traitorous quisling backstabbing oppressive Scottish media.
And according to Anti-Scotsfinder General Joan McAlpine she has a ‘list’ of journalists ‘marked’ for ‘special attention’.
Marcus Guardhim, Torturehim Crichton, Euan McNoholm, Kenny Fuckerson, Severhim Carrell, the Barclaycard Brothers and numerous others are believed to be on the SNP shit ‘list’.
Wee Blether Salmond said: “This is about a transparent, honest and accountable media. Politicians and the Yes inclined public should be confident that they can trust SNP assertions and proclamations.
“A culture of scrutiny and scepticism has helped cast doubt on our horseshit output. This legislation should help these media organisations drive up standards and take extra care!
“If media outlets are caught deliberately questioning our information, whether assertions, policy or proclamations, they need to be held to account.”
A source close to Mr Salmond said: “The manipulation of SNP horseshit has been happening, commonly and consistently, for many years.
“We feel strongly that if media outlets are caught acting fraudulently over our performance on areas such as legal advice, accuracy of parliamentary answers, the terms of the debate and private and public policy, they should be held criminally liable.”
AhDinnaeKen understands that criminal sanctions will form one of the Government’s main responses to the Judge Dreadful McCluckskey report into the unfair treatment of the SNP at mainstream media (MSM) hands.
Up to 1,200 SNP assertions are believed to have died as a result of poor treatment at MSM outlets throughout the country.
Cultural Health auditors such as Kevin Williamsonoforange or the Yes inclined public would be able to report MSM outlets and editors to the SNP Thought Police if they had concerns over the stories contained within.
“This new legislation will herald a new enlightened age of ‘innovation’ in the press.” said Thought Police Chief, Pete Wishart.
“This isn’t just about regulating the Press, this is about innovative regulation of opinion in Scotland.
“We do censorship differently here.”