Under even the most moderate testing and scrutiny, SNP assertions, documents, mandates, constitutions, manifesto products etc etc are found to contain 0% beef.
By Sumfinz Missin
SCOTTISH POLITICIANS have been told to carry out tests on all processed Nationalist assertions after most Nat mantras were found to contain 100% horseshit.
The Political Integrity Standards Handlers (PISH), which ordered the Scottish tests, said it was “highly likely” that barefaced lieing in terms of the debate was to blame for the contamination.
It said there was minimal evidence of a credibility risk, but its chief executive said it was an “unpredictable situation”, with 23% of the Scots electorate gullible enough to be taken in by the horseshit.
Scottish Nationalists have occasionally apologised or reported themselves to PISH.
The Scottish Nationalists have been embarrassingly caught out on several occasions spouting contaminated horseshit, which has affected other countries such as the USA, Canada, Spain and England.
Nationalist affected assertions were made by a third-party Pringle supplier, which alerted the party to concerns that the lack of beef was not “conforming to expectations”.
Catherine Brownstuff, PISH’s chief executive told AhDinnaeKen: “I have to say that the two grossest cases of contamination concerned false assertions on European legal advice and a sterling zone, but there are too many to count.
“We are demanding that Nationalist parties conduct authenticity tests on all beefed up political products such as assertions, legal advice, negotiations, mandates, manifestos and Independence day dates.”
PISH have asked for test results before the Neverendum – whenever that is.
It has also ordered the Nationalists to test the contaminated assertions to see if they were formulated under the influence of drugs.
“Drugs are likely to have influenced the origin of most of the Nationalist half-baked PISH.” said a biased insider at the Unionist BBC.