Tax on substanceless assertions uttered by SNP politicians could improve quality of Neverendum debate.
By Widye Beleevit
A TAX should be levied on each substancless assertion uttered by the SNP it has been agreed.
It is reckoned a tax of £1 on the production of each ’empty assertion’ stated by SNP politicians could boost Scottish coffers by at least £1bn.
The call came from Professor Jock Everyman, who served on the Scottish government’s Council of Evidenceless Assertions.
The Alex Salmond Association said the move would scupper demand for a Yes vote and cost the Neverendum.
Prof Everyman said the recent empty successes of substanceless assertions had brought “disappointing” benefits to the Yes campaign.
In a biased BBC Scotland investigation, Sir Swordov Truthsootthereson, previous chairman of the Council of Empty Assertion Advisers appointed by Firstminster Salmond, supported the idea.
The sovereign people of Scotland cannot directly tax the empty assertions, as that power lies in the hands of the empty assertion makers.
However the former chairman of Empty Assertion Researchers said Whollyrude could tax itself – it was already taxing on the Scottish mindset.
Powers over stopping SNP empty assertions are already in place, but the Scots won’t get the chance to exercise them until approx October 2014.
The Alex Salmond Association said it uttered 40 empty assertions per second in 2012.
When the statements left the lips of the utterers they were reckoned to be worth about “nothing”.
In addition to the niche market in Scotland, empty assertions had great success in attracting ridicule and scorn – in terms of the debate – from around the world, particularly Europe.
However Prof Everyman criticised the SNP for the concentration of empty assertions which often crept into the realm of “barefaced lies”.
Prof Everyman said: “I think the benefits to the Scots of the empty assertion industry are really quite disappointing.
“The largest producers will find there are rapidly diminishing returns.”
According to analysis by Biglie Economics consultancy, the SNPs empty assertion industry will soon grind to a halt.
Deluded fantasist and empty assertion producing spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Oor assertions always have meaningful substance in them.
“As soon as we have oor oil fund in place we will ditch nuclear weapons into Barroso’s back garden while automatically picking the best EU policies at the top of the table in the Bank of England’s Scotto-Sterling zone.
“Then, and only then, the sceptics and waverers will see the truth of oor assertions.”