SNP fail to organise piss up in brewery

Everyone in the world and the universe but the SNP are proven wrong as Little Miss Leader Sturgeon says you don’t need alcohol for a piss up in a brewery. Cybernats hail victory over everyone else’s fanatical Unionist bias.

Anti-Scots SNP opponents gently pointed out that those big silver things in the foreground could help with the organising of a piss up in a European brewery.

Anti-Scots SNP opponents gently pointed out that those big silver things in the foreground could help with the organising of a piss up in a European brewery.

By Hauf Jaked

DEPUTY MISS Leader Sturgeon has proven the ‘outstanding’ competence of the SNP by telling everyone alcohol is not a requirement for a piss up in a brewery.

Speaking at the Whollyrude Fantasy Factory she also pointed out that Euro Quangocrat Jose Barettea “wiz wrang” and castigated him for his letter stating that “you need whores for an orgy in a brothel.”

She said: “The SNP have organised orgies in brothels without the need for whores or prostitutes – though admittedly – like today we made a hoor o’ a mess o’ that an’ aw.”

Deputy Miss Leader’s allies reinforced her competence stating that the Declaration of Contempt 2012 proved that you didn’t need “two tickets for a two ticket raffle”.

They cited Tricky Dicky Salmond’s expert Neverendum negotiations where he failed to get Pepsi-Max onto the ballot paper ensuring an end to his career in 2014.

Miss Leader’s allies said: “Bullingdon Dave categorically stated at the Tory conference in March that Salmo wiznae gettin’ another question on the referendum and he wiz proved right.

“Another victory for the negotiation skills of the SNP.”

Wading into the stushie, Parliamentary Sex Aide Moan McVulpine accused anti-Scots fffrreeedddooommm™ disbelievers of treason against the “SNP competency revolution”.

Referring to Mike Bernhard Rust-ell’s innumerate college budget figures she said: “We can run a bath, it’s running an education department that’s the tricky bit.

“This scenario proved that the SNP cannae run a bath, let alone a secret tape recorder.”

Commentators have agreed that this hasn’t been the SNP’s finest hour but fully expect the party to show they can manage their way out of a wet paper bag sometime in the new year.

No one is holding their breath.

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