If it looks like s**t and it smells like s**t then rest assured it’s probably s**t. Glasgow uni students debate nationalism in its rightful place, the kludgie.
By Scatty Logical
GLESCA UNI’S studenty coprophiliacs have issued the most damning verdict of all on the Scottish neverendum – it’s shit.
And they say the smell and atmosphere of their toilet debating chamber sharpens their memories when thinking of Firshitminster Salmond’s parliamentary ablutions.
Some of the graffiti which didn’t make it into the tissue sized Sun report was as follows:
“The 1707 Act of Union took place in this toilet. It was a marriage of convenience.”
“Farty Salmond was the only Westminster Nationalist politician to succeed in a place that’s like a kludgie, and you always come out of a kludgie with a smell.”
“European Law advice taking is invigorating. But I don’t analyse it too much. It’s like a dog smelling where it’s going to do it’s toilet in the morning.” – Tricky Dicky Salmond.
“If you don’t want your Firstminster to have bad breath in the morning, do what I do: Pour a little Lavender in the kludgie” – Moan McVulpine.
“Golfer Salmond doesn’t use the kludgie to shit in. He almost always shits in the debating chamber or the BBCs television studios, or especially on the people of the Menie Estate.”
“Scotland is the country where the currency falls apart and you can’t tear the kludgie paper.”
“Did you hear that John Swindley had constipation? He couldn’t budget.”
“Incontinent referendum hotline!…Can you hold please? (for the next 2 years ffs)”
“If you’re Scots when you go into the independent kludgie and Scots when you come out, what are you when you’re in the independent kludgie? Eur-o-peein.”
“The problem with pishy political jokes is that they get elected. Look at the SNP.”
Bed wetting anally-retentive spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Come on gals. Everyone knows politicians are like nappies! You have to change them both frequently, and for the same reason.”