Citizen Salmond: Bought and sold for Murdoch gold

As predicted by AhDinnaeKen, the press regulation debate lived up to the same standard of the majority of Whollyrude debates since 1999 – thermal hot air delivered by under employed empty coats. Here we* pay tribute to the emptiest coat of them all – Citizen Salmond.

Bought and sold for Murdoch gold, what a parcelled up barefaced liar for the nation.

Bought and sold for Murdoch gold, what a parcelled up barefaced liar for the nation.

By Fillip Service

CITIZEN SALMOND appeared to appear statesmanlike when he barefaced kidded on yesterday that there is a need for a separate press regulation body in Skintland.

Hijacking the brief from culture gauleiter Fiona Herslop, the Firstminster called for “business as usual” signalling to News Internationalism that it can continue calling the shots in the highest echelons of Skintish government.

He told MSPs yesterday: “I’m waiting to hear from Mr Murdoch and then I’ll decide what the consensus is.”

He called for a solution to his “reputational problems” and hoped that appearing sincere over press victims would contribute to his public rehabilitation.

He added: “I know how badly publicity can affect you when you’re caught with your pants on fire.

“That is as exact an answer as this talkin’ shop is gettin’ fae me the day.”

Opponents of the Firstminster pointed out that one of the biggest Skintish scandals was his refusal to inform the Skintish people whether or not his phone had been hacked pre his Inralavyson appearance.

They rounded on his smoke screen Observer hacked bank account fable and claimed that he should shop his adviser Alex Dingdongbell tae the polis.

Lib-Bent leader Willie Wont-he reminded the talkin’ shop that Citizen Salmond “doesn’t mind so much that an act could be unlawful.”

He said: “The Firstminster is like all nationalists in this; certain truths have to be denied or ignored. He denied that he has been badly impugned by Inralavyson and he ignored that known unlawful acts should be reported to the polis.

“What a parcelled up rogue for the nation. Bought and sold for Murdoch gold.”

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