New light touch regulation for corporate types means everyone can look forward to fifteen minutes of fame on page three.
By Korprit Hoor
ROSEBUD SALMOND has invited opposition party leaders to discuss how low to no corporation tax could be implemented in Scotland.
The Firstminster has already held talks with several amoral exploitative plutocrats and feels the time is now right to launch Scotland as a corporate tax haven in the mould of Luxembourg.
Lip service discussions with opposition MSPs will not matter as the supine SNP government will rubber stamp the will of Citizen Salmond anyway.
Citizen Salmond has called for a ‘Salmond’ solution following his Inralavyson inquiry vindication earlier last week.
But opposition party leaders have questioned the morality of a corporate lapdog system north of the border.
Speaking to the British Broadcasting Corporation’s Funday Politics Skintland programme, the Firstminster said deregulation of corporation tax was needed to fulfil the mantra of “we do things differently here.
“The more corporate plutocrats I collect for my political career the more unassailable my position becomes in the Scottish parliament.
“I’m looking for a consensus here and the people of Scotland handed me that consensus on a plate when I won my landslide victory in 2011.
“The opposition can say what they want just so long as they remember who has the majority.”
Ruth Lamont, one or both, of the opposition said: “I find it astonishing that he has not reflected on the brutalising and caustic effect his ducking and diving corporate apologism has on the people of Scotland.
“He regularly sups and goes to bed with these mutual corporate backscratchers
and now he wants to make non-beneficial whores of us all.”
Citizen Salmond has said he favours a system similar to the Irish model where Amazon exploits every well meaning governmental incentive going in order to payback virtually nothing other than workers wages.
Greengo politician Patacake Harvey said: “In biology there is a name for these types of organisms. They are called parasites.
“Just as tape worms were once popular amongst dieting women, Amazon is currently riding a wave of popularity amongst mendicant consumers because y’know, being much cheaper than everyone else has everything to do with something for nothing culture.”