Salmond outlines brand new vision for Scotland

New light touch regulation for corporate types means everyone can look forward to fifteen minutes of fame on page three.

"Exploitation is a harsh word, I know that, but on a certain level, to me that is the central Whollyrude story." - Radical Interference Convention

“Exploitation is a harsh word, I know that, but on a certain level, to me that is the central Whollyrude story.” – Radical Interference Convention

By Korprit Hoor

ROSEBUD SALMOND has invited opposition party leaders to discuss how low to no corporation tax could be implemented in Scotland.

The Firstminster has already held talks with several amoral exploitative plutocrats and feels the time is now right to launch Scotland as a corporate tax haven in the mould of Luxembourg.

Lip service discussions with opposition MSPs will not matter as the supine SNP government will rubber stamp the will of Citizen Salmond anyway.

Citizen Salmond has called for a ‘Salmond’ solution following his Inralavyson inquiry vindication earlier last week.

But opposition party leaders have questioned the morality of a corporate lapdog system north of the border.

Speaking to the British Broadcasting Corporation’s Funday Politics Skintland programme, the Firstminster said deregulation of corporation tax was needed to fulfil the mantra of “we do things differently here.

“The more corporate plutocrats I collect for my political career the more unassailable my position becomes in the Scottish parliament.

“I’m looking for a consensus here and the people of Scotland handed me that consensus on a plate when I won my landslide victory in 2011.

“The opposition can say what they want just so long as they remember who has the majority.”

Ruth Lamont, one or both, of the opposition said: “I find it astonishing that he has not reflected on the brutalising and caustic effect his ducking and diving corporate apologism has on the people of Scotland.

“He regularly sups and goes to bed with these mutual corporate backscratchers
and now he wants to make non-beneficial whores of us all.”

Citizen Salmond has said he favours a system similar to the Irish model where Amazon exploits every well meaning governmental incentive going in order to payback virtually nothing other than workers wages.

Greengo politician Patacake Harvey said: “In biology there is a name for these types of organisms. They are called parasites.

“Just as tape worms were once popular amongst dieting women, Amazon is currently riding a wave of popularity amongst mendicant consumers because y’know, being much cheaper than everyone else has everything to do with something for nothing culture.”



Filed under Culture, Economy, Morality

4 responses to “Salmond outlines brand new vision for Scotland

  1. Heehee, and not too far from the truth either.

    So it’s no wonder the SNP and their online acolytes have to try to cover all this up with the amount of posturing they do about social justice and all that!!

  2. “Any notion that an independent Scotland would be a left wing country is delusional nonsense.” – Jim Mather, SNP.

    Remember that old chestnut. The fact that Russell is still in cabinet signals everything you need to know about social justice I believe.


  3. Yes indeedy.

    In broad terms I usually view the SNP in terms of new Labour or Clinton, ie the ‘third way’ of trying to marry elements of social justice with market economics.

    Or at least that’s the view of the upper echelons of the party, if perhaps not the membership more generally.

    And of course the leadership is also quite a broad church in itself, as Russell’s stance on various issues demonstrates, and as Sturgeon did the other day from the opposite end of the spectrum.

    But it’s this kind of middle way – rightly or wrongly – that parties have to adopt to attain success at the ballot box these days. However much the likes of the SSP, the Greens and the Radicals for Independence moralise, the public simply won’t vote for that kind of thing, except on the margins.

    And in terms of critique Gerry Hassan is bang on in that regard – Scotland is not as left-leaning as many like to think it is.

  4. But it’s this kind of middle way – rightly or wrongly – that parties have to adopt to attain success at the ballot box these days.

    I hate the corrosive inevitability of that belief for all that it was borne out by the initial soaraway success of New Labour under Blair.

    As for Radicals for Independence. Anything with the hallmark of Pat Kane or Kevin Williamson on it is bound to fail. So, ho ho hum to the hum and drum.


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