Salmond corrects referendum figures

Pantsonfiregate, collegegate and now greenjobsgate. Is it any surprise to anyone that the Firstminster should get caught wholesale fiddlin wi’ the neverendum figures?

Tricky Dicky swears to tell lies, whole lies and nothing but barefaced lies. And that’s the truth.

By Haufatrooth Izalie

OPPOSITION PARTIES  have demanded that Tricky Dicky Salmond explain why he has given inaccurate information on the referendum’s chances in 2014.

Mr Salmond has made a correction to Whollyrude’s official report, which documents what he lies about in the Big Cooncil’s chamber.

He had claimed that 1.4 million Scots were likely to vote Yes but altered this to 7 million.

Labourers and the Tory Tories said he had misled his chosen people.

In the last week, Tricky Dicky has transformed from being the faither in waiting of the Nation, to Skintland’s apology prone lieing clown.

According to Whollyrude’s official report, Tricky Dicky said during Firstminster’s questions on 25 October: “There are now, I think, 5.6 million more people willing to Just Say Yes (please).”

The request for the correction was made by the Firstminster’s office on April fools day which, in Skintland, falls every day the Firstminster speaks in parliament.

It came a day after Mr Rust-ell “grasped the thistle” and swallowed his pride, reputation and competence and admitted he had lied about his lying.

Mr Salmond also apologised for ever believing he could be taken seriously by the Scots in the first place:

“Awright. The gemme’s up! Ah’ve been rumbled.  We might as well pack up and let that shitehawk Swindley run the show again.”

In the wake of the Greenjobsgate fiddle, Tory Tory MSP Liz Smythington-Smythe said of the Firstminster: “This is great. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a chance to be sanctimonious about anything. This looks like it could go on and on.”

Labourer’s Master Baker added: “It appears Tricky Dicky Salmond lies to his chosen people instinctively. Soon the only people who’ll support him will be the solipsistic Cybernats.”

Lib-Bent leader Willie Wont-he said nothing of consequence.

Pantsonfire innumerate windbag spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “Renewable lies are the fastest growing industry in the Scottish Parliament. The biggest and best whoppers are being manufactured and delivered directly by the Firstminster himself.

“The Unionists cannae match Eck for outright whopper sized barefaced lies. They should wake up and deal wi’ it.”

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