Whollyrude drug barons are rippin’ the pish oot o’ hardoworkin’ Scots throughout the country – Daily Ranger shock findings.
By Ootma Heidman
THE INDEPENDENCE message of a better Scotland where we “do things differently here” is false according to methadone addicts.
Experts and third rate MSPs have lined up to both defend and attack the Scottish Government in equal measure over its ringfenced universal benefit and methadone philanthropy.
But the loudest, most resonant and damning voice in the whole debate is the sub-sonic drone of the Metha-drone community.
According to the Committee of Experts (Scotland): “Statistically, Metha-drone man is a 30 year old single unemployed male of limited talent, worth or ability to contribute to society.
“If Metha-drone man wants to come off of drugs such as methadone it takes a great deal of will and commitment – which has never really been there – not to mention unaffordably expensive government funded support.
“To do this, most of all, Metha-drone man needs HOPE that his life will improve post-addiction.
“Separatism, isolation, secession, independence, ffffrrrreeeeddddooommmm™, whatever you decide to call Tricky Dicky Salmond’s vanity project, universally fails to provide that HOPE for metha-drone man.
“He only sees bawbag ex-bankers in expensive suits – so he’s not compeletly alone there.”
“Considering that this is the demographic highlighted as most likely to vote for separatist isolation, what does that tell you?”
The death rate amongst the methadone community has more than doubled since the SNP came to power in 2007.
Minster of Evasion on Health Matters, Michael Mathedone, has publicly admitted in the Big Cooncil to Tory Tory Annabell the Heidy that he “didnae ken how many o’ thae junkies hud stoaped takin’ thur shite.”
But he pointed out that every one of the record 584 deaths in Scotland could be considered a saving for the treasury.
He said: “Moses Salmond rightly pointed out in the Big Cooncil debating chamber today that reported crime is at a record low in Scotland.
“The reason is two fold: One – we have a politicised central police force empowered to ignore incidents they consider unworthy of reporting and Two – mare deid junkies means less crime full stop.
“Diz middle class Scotland no realise the crime wave that would be unleashed should we stop the constant drip slurp drip of methadone soma for society’s drop oots?
“£36 million poun a year is a no bad price to be payin’ fur low crime rates.”
Self righteous, bandwagonning, empty coated, grandstanding hypocrite spokesperson for the Labouring party Benny Marra MSP said: “This is a subject upon which I can make my name at the expense of the SNP’s Road to Ruin methadone programme.
“You can guarantee that I will milk it for all my photogenic worth. Annabell the Heidie has been banging on about this for years, but I’ll get all the attention because I’m better looking and younger than her.
“Junkies! I s**t on them!”