British Brainwashing Corporation coerce confession oot o’ barefaced liar Salmond on Fit the Morn Skintland. Jings!
By Oprah Eshun
TRICKY DICKY Salmond’s proudest achievement in government was the forging of a Solemn League and Covenant between his party and the sovereign people of Skintland he told the anti-SNP biased BBC this morning.
He said the results of this ‘social covenant’ were evident throughout the lands of oor “great wee country.”
In a candid moment, the Firstminster claimed that he could state black was white and around twenty nine per cent of those covenanters would believe him without question.
He said: “How else do you think I got where I am today?
“Fifty per cent of my party’s covenanters are the same in the gullibility stakes. The other half are just gullible.”
Speaking on Fit the Morn Skintland, the Firstminster again ducked and dived over the European Freedom of (mis)Information barefaced lying question:
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Do you regret dragging your lie out for so long?
Tricky Dicky Salmond: The question has nothing to do with lying. It’s to do with who defines the public interest. That’s why I rewrote the Ministerial Code.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Do you regret severely damaging Auld Nick Sturgeon’s career when she had to call your bluff in Parliament?
Tricky Dicky Salmond: I regret nothing that is in my career’s interest and by definition the public interest of the people of Skintland.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Why did it take so long to clarify your lies to parliament and to Andrew Kneel?
Tricky Dicky Salmond: Sometimes my unrestrained ego and self-belief get’s the better of me and I get fun’ oot. I still find that hard to deal with.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Did you get Auld Nick to call your bluff because potential covenanters would begin to see you as a barefaced liar.
Tricky Dicky Salmond: Ur you stupit hen? Of coorse ah did! When you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place even your closest allies huv to absorb some o’ the rock and some o’ the hard. Ask Moan McVulpine aboot gettin’ the hard.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Why did it take so long to clear up that you were lying over Europe.
Tricky Dicky Salmond: It didnae. I cleared it up within minutes. Auld Nick took some o’ the fall and the rest bounced around my many chins.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Minutes? This has been rumbling on for over a year since the Labouring party put in a Freedom of Misinformation request.
Tricky Dicky Salmond: Geeza brek hen! It’s bad enough wi’ they haufwits at the Big Parish Cooncil at Whollyrude gaun on aboot it aw the time, withoot you stertin’.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Do you regret the perception that you tried to pull a fast one over the people of Skintland and got found wanting by Andrew Kneel?
Tricky Dicky Salmond: Naw! Ah’ve never regretted pullin’ a fast wan ower the people o’ Skintland. That’s how I got where I am today. Kneel will rue the day he helped expose me for the Tricky Dicky I truly am.
Biased BBC Unionist oppressor: Firstminster – thankyou for not clearing that up and here’s to the next 700 days of barefaced lies putting an end to your ducking and diving.
Tricky Dicky Salmond: In the name o’ The Faither, the Pairty, and The People o’ Skintland – Get it up ye!