Why Scotland doesn’t need a box office flop like Salmond

The Firstminster has rung in 2001 years in office – though it does feel longer. ZZZzzzz!

By Moan McVulpineFirstminster Salmond’s parliamentary sec’s aide

WEE ECK Salmond is officially Scotland’s longest serving windbag. He’s now been in power for 2001 years and in that time has developed a very thick pension pot.

No other politician attracts or deserves quite so much personal abuse from his own party.

Eck has been called a formidable politician, shrewd and competent. He was compared to Robert De Bruce and even a Statesman in one absurd attack.

The whisperings are no accident.

Quislings for both anti-NATO and anti-Monarchy SNP members, recently told journalists their plan was to expose the Firstminster’s sell oot on deeply held party principle – which could deny him power.

It’s all about the 2014 vote on independence – expose Salmond, win the principles of the party back.

But look at who is dishing up the insults.

Grassroots SNP terrier, Sandra Whiterthanwhite, think’s it’s okay to question the Salmond’s integrity by demanding to see nuclear expulsion intentions in writing from NATO by December!

Bloody cheek! Impugning the commitment of the Firstminster to barefaced lying.

Her fellow colleague John-Boy Finnie dismissed the new pro-Nuclear SNP stance as “…more of the same UK.”

How dare he be so bloody truthful! He raises the title of politician to a level of conviction it doesn’t deserve.

If folk like that don’t like you, you know those folk must have a point.

The Yes campaign are right in one thing, though.

Eck is as much an asset as a liability. He joins the queue in a long list of Nationalist types who polarise their populations in order to promote fractiousness and hate thy neighbour politics.

Every parliamentary aide wants to have ‘private’ moments with Eck. Everyone wants to expose it but dare not. To the extreme frustration of his aides, they have to keep it secret.

Hiring a hotel room with Eck is always a hushed affair, as I frequently find out when we steal some private moments to, er, discuss policy. He insists on getting ‘discussed’ covering all sorts of positions.

Opponents call him powermonger, unprincipled and ego driven. But the historical precedent for such types to obtain power is notable.

Eck has a guid conceit o’ his sel’ to match his unrestrained ego. He has faith in barefaced lying and ducking and diving.

It’s this ability to rip the pish oot o’ the pare sovereign Scots that’s got him where he is the day.

Scots know their Firstminster well. They understand that what some call a flaw
others see the real and present danger in.

So Moses Salmond is a corporate ‘behind the scenes’ backscratcher? Good. That means Scotland’s minsters get the chance to increase their pension pots.

So Moses Salmond is a barefaced liar? Good. That means he can carry a whole swathe of self righteous zealots with him with minimal effort.

So Moses Salmond is said to have a temper? Good. He rumps like a big fat beast when he’s angry. Phew!

So Moses Salmond is impatient for power? Good. It means there’s nothing he will not say or do in order to pull the wool over his sovereign people’s eyes.

Thatcherite policies such as the council tax freeze, minimal corporate taxes and reduced college budgets have been unfortunate.

But he hasn’t relented from doing what he think it takes, even when it means selling oot the very principles upon which the SNP pretended to be founded.

True powermongers do not skulk in the shadows. They barefaced lie. They have a zest for lying.

Opponents can expose his lack of integrity all they like. But they cannot kill his lust for power.



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Filed under Moan McVulpine, Opinion

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