A brilliant barefaced polemic on SNP lies – in terms of the debate

By Moan McVulpine – Skintland’s most vehement Salmond apologist

I’VE SPENT the weekend trying to pull the wool over the eyes of my well informed and intelligent friends (Patty Cane, Tonyblair Jenkins, Faslane C Smith) concerning the Firstminster’s barefaced lies.

They are outside the “political-nous bubble” that envelops journos, politicos and cybernats in Skintland.

So the row about Sun King Alex and Europe baffles them (bless). It wouldn’t confuse an overdosing methadone addict, even if it was transmitted in Ministerial Morse Code.

Sun King Alex of Salmond got ‘fun oot’ bluffing, deceiving, duping, conning, barefaced lying to his ‘sovereign people of Scotland’.

And worse, he was fun oot telling the barefaced lie to the British Brainwashing Corporation’s Unionist Scottish stooge, Andrew Kneel – the worst kind of anti-Scot.

But pro-independenistas, Nats, and Cybernats had a get out clause. After Tricky Dicky Salmo said “Yes” he had taken legal advice, he also said “in terms of the debate”. Genius!

A cover and well known Snake Oil huckster phrase to pull a veil over any lie.

For example: Will this Snake Oil give me automatic entry to the European Union? – In terms of the debate YES (In terms of reality NO).

You should try this at home. It’s already all the rage with Scotland’s school kids: “Did you do your homework? – in terms of the debate – NO. In reality – YES.

Rumour has it that Asil Nadir and Conrad Black had wished they had taken legal advice from the Firstminster’s lawyers.

Of course, Labourers and Tory Tories have the same political nous as Craig Leavin’ has football nous – both types couldnae score when presented with an open goal. Ho hum – such is the standard inherent of Scotland’s public servants.

So let me just say this (takes big breath) Scotland and England agreed a legal process for the Neverendum in the Declaration of Contempt 2012. This will mean nothing to Europe unless it delivers a shock result.

One rump old state, one new secessionist state. All the negotiation responsibilities are left to the separatists new nation – who’ll have to reapply and accept that the single currency will be an expectation of membership.

The only threat to Scotland’s membership of the EU is the countries who constitute the Union.

They’ll be apt to remember that Scotland wants to price their wine and alcohol exports out of the Scottish market with the Jakey Apartheid Tax or Minimum Pricing on Alcohol bill.

Hardly the friendliest of moves for a Union dedicated to free trade with minimal barriers to business and commerce.

This is what we should be talking about. Just how long can the Nat dafties who believe that Alex has a plan, go on being blind to the fact the Sun King has no clothes on and even less of an idea on how to dress himself up?

Probably forever – eh? Ignore the bluster fae the Sun King. He’s a barefaced liar (in terms of the debate).

COMEDY RELIEF