Fraud Glorious Fraud – Wee Eck and a phone call

With a hundred apologies to lovers of Oliver, here are the mostly unsequestrated lyrics from the new Rangers tax case musical – Huniver;  starring Alex Salmond in the role of Huniver – the Fat Cat ex-banker who wanted more.

“Whoever is detected in a shameful fraud is ever after not believed even if they speak the truth.”- Phaedrus. So that’s Wee Eck’s bolt shot then. Ho hum!

 

 

[FAGIN WHYTE (spoken)]
You see,Huniver…

[sung] In this life, one thing counts
EBT Wages, large amounts
I’m afraid these don’t grow on trees,
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two

You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, bhoys,
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[HUNS]
Players wages don’t grow on trees.
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN WHYTE (spoken)]
Let’s get Huniver to plead our case, shall we, my dears?

[sung] Why should we break our backs
Stupidly paying tax?
Better get some untaxed income
Better to pick-a-pocket or two.

You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, bhoys
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[HUNS]
Why should we all break our backs?
Better pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN WHYTE (spoken)]
Who says crime doesn’t pay?

[sung] Alex Kneel, what a crook!
Trousered all, that he took.
Insolvency’s fine, subscribe to mine.
Get out and pick-a-pocket or two

You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, bhoys
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BHOYS]
Alex Kneel had too much spiel
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN WHYTE]
Take a tip from Wee Eck
He lobbied for a taxman brek.
Just one call, he started small
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.

You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, bhoys
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BHOYS]
We can be like Fat Wee Eck
If we pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN WHYTE (spoken)]
Stop thief!

Murray mint passing by
Something nice takes his eye
Everything’s clear, with tax arrear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.

You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, bhoys
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BHOYS]
Have no fear, of tax arrear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN WHYTE]
When I see something rich,
Both my thumbs start to itch
Only to find some peace of mind
We have to pick-a-pocket or two.

You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two, bhoys
You’ve got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BHOYS]
Just to find some peace of mind

[FAGIN WHYTE AND BHOYS]
We have to pick-a-pocket or two!

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2 Comments

Filed under CyberNats, Morality, Opinion

2 responses to “Fraud Glorious Fraud – Wee Eck and a phone call

  1. daftquine

    Hahahahaha! I like that 🙂

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