SNP rustle – It wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away

Scottish electorate warned to beware SNP Geeks bearing gifts

"In the Scottish Parliament, the only homage which they pay to Virtue - is hypocrisy." - Anon. The real question needing asked is who really pays the price? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form please.

“In the Scottish Parliament, the only homage which they pay to Virtue – is hypocrisy.” – Anon. The real question needing asked is who really pays the price? Answers on a Freedom of Misinformation denial form please.

By Trojan Cuddy

EDUCATION GAULEITER Mike Bernhard Rust-ell was forced to taste the nettle over his clandestine Thatcherite manifesto yesterday.

The senior SNP creep told MSPs that it was a fair cop he had been found out over his anti-universal benefits stance, but counter claimed “it wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away”.

The issue of the “something for nothing” culture in Scotland has become the centre of a mud slinging competition with Red Tories accusing Tartan Tories of being Tories.

One political commentator said: “Does it really matter, they’re aw in it the gither, they’re aw Tories.”

But concerned Tories hit back: “We might be Tories but we’re not as Tory as the Red Tories or the Tartan Tories – we’re Tory Tories.”

Labouring leader Fandabadozie Lament attempted to single out sinister misogynist Rust-ell by quoting from his book Mein Kampfen Thistle.

The book states: “Put bluntly, those people considered most in need are dragging us all down as a people. However, our Fifty Shades of Tory pish political parties lack the courage to say ‘fire up the ovens’.”

But Mr Rust-ell wobbled like a fat slimy jelly in the Whollyrude chamber. “I am more than prepared to say today that I am more than prepared to say whatever it takes to side step the issue till we gain real power by fair means or foul.”

Ms Lament accused the Tartan Tories of betraying everyone, even themselves, by fiddling their pension pots while Scotland burned.

She said: “The SNP believes the priority, as public services are starved of cash in tough times, is to protect their pension pot cash – half a million pounds sterling per senior cabinet minster. Looted in an exceptionally short period.”

The Labouring leader last week questioned why former High Priestess of Temperance and Intolerance Nicola Sturgeon should line her pockets with a half million of hard earned tax payer money.

But Ms Sturgeon insisted yesterday that the Labourers were just jealous.

“Their jealousy has its roots in the misguided belief of the Red Tories that they should be getting their noses in our trough. It’s a jealousy that puts at risk the wholesale smash and grab political looting of our pocket money budget.”

Tory Tory finance spokesperson Gavin Brownnose said the country needs to have a debate on the issue of the SNP’s spendthrift cash-in: “Doing nothing, if we are honest, is not an option, we want some of that money for ourselves. The SNP are just being greedy.”

SNP backbenchers continued the attack on themselves, with Stuart McMilliband describing Alex Salmond’s admiration of Margaret Thatcher’s economic policies as “oor grasped thistle.”

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2 Comments

Filed under Culture, Morality, Newspeak

2 responses to “SNP rustle – It wisnae me, a big boy did it and ran away

  1. daftquine

    From the other Bertrand Russell:
    “The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”
    And from me: Some folk should ken better!

  2. Thanks Daftquine.

    Cracking quote(s). 🙂

    The somewhat esoteric reference to Mike Bernhard Rust-ell is actually to the Nazi Minister of Science, Education and National Culture – Bernhard Rust.

    Of all the politicians active in the big Whollyrude Cooncil, Mike Russell is about the only one I have real antipathy for.

    The rest, as you’ve probably guessed, AhDinnaeKen holds in Fifty Shades of Contempt.

    Regards

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