Make time to die for the cause

The definition of being anti-Scottish is now interspersed with the Nationalists brand of McCarthyism

By Moan McVulpineGaining freedom by rooting out the enemy within

IF YOU find the Moan Factor is getting a bit samey, Billy Jay’s new series The Porridge Test is definitely worth missing.

The Test is that of Scotland’s Quislings, a people determined to thwart the cause of freedom by remaining rational within their deluded Anglicised Stockholm syndrome lives.

Scottish Nationalism is merely the antithesis of that pluralistic rationality. But it can also be intolerant with anyone perceived to support the Union or worse, the English.

That’s not so different from the earliest days of the independence movement 700 years ago when by definition Nationalism meant caving the English’s heids in.

Then, the English got sent back hame tae their manky tatties tae think again. Then, as today, the English regrouped and gied us a solid hiding – worse things happened at Flodden efter aw.

The five part maudlin Porridge Test ballad starts with the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314, as Robert De Bruce MSP tells his troops facing the largest army outside of Ibrox: “We fight for everything we hold dear – Kleptocrat pension pots for me and the royal entourage and associated cronies and civil servants – while our opponents come merely to demonstrate that they don’t like the Euro.”

The series also shows how Scottish nationalism was entwined with the rise of intolerance and parochial myopia as it sought to blame the English for all our ills, real and imagined.

Billy doesn’t shy away from difficult subjects – like why we don’t like hearing broad Glesca accents on the telly, and why so much of our history, culture and language is based aroon gettin’ a doin fae they bastard Anglo-Saxons doon sooth.”

The whole series puts the Neverendum debate in historical context – it’s been going on and on and on for what feels like forever.

You can hear it on the British Brainwashing Corporation’s Radio Skintland – though, if you’re anti the anti-Scots like me, catching it on the sighPlayer is probably best.

Billy is one of our greatest whining drones and The Porridge Test is one of his worst yet. It has made me wet mah drawers wi’ excitement.

COMEDY RELIEF

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