SNP Cabinet – putting the Klepto into Kleptocrats

Times are tough and money is scarce, but not for the new SNP Kleptocracy who’ve trousered close on half a million sovereign pounds sterling each for their royally sized pension pots.

"Avarice, the sphincter of the heart." - Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

“Avarice, the sphincter of the heart.” – Matthew Green. No wonder these cabinet sphincters look so happy at half a million a pop.

By Robin Bastads

MOSES SALMOND has whinged to Yank businessmen that Scottish politicians are having to trouser tax payer cash with one hand tied behind their backs.

On a visit to the American Windbag City, planned to coincide with a celebrity sportsman photo opportunity, the Firstminster complained his country had less ‘readies’ available for his pension pot than Illinois.

But he claimed that an independent Scotland would provide greater opportunities for his cabinet to loot and plunder if it broke away from the contaminated Union.

Mr Salmond also said the people best placed to rip off the country were those able to get into the cabinet and pretend to work there.

He added: “They will always be the people with unfettered opportunity to profit on the back of the people who live and work there.

“Smaller independent nations are now suffering from their natural economic weakness – windbag nationalists, profiteering politicians, avaricious civil servants and the ability to clearly define their six figure payoffs and pension pots.

“Scotland’s current constitutional status – as part of a subjugating oppressive Union where one nation is always likely to whine on the basis of its mindset – seems more and more like hard luck.

“Scotland is still ranked number one in the world in terms of those willing to sacrifice their lives to escape Neverendum boredom.”

Mr Moses, who was boring the Windbag City Council on Parish Cooncil Affairs, will be enjoying a knees up at taxpayers expense until the end of golf’s Ridethem Cup.

He added: “Of course we will continue to ingratiate and abase ourselves to the Americans, without whose patronage, my vanity project will have nae chance of happening.

“But, as for those anti-progressive countries; France, Spain, Italy, Portugal,Bulgaria, Holland, Germany, Denmark, Poland, Romania, Ireland and Austria – who oppose our progressive Jakey Apartheid supermarket windfall tax, they will rue the day they messed wi’ my ego.”

The Ego has landed

According to the Hootsmon; “accounts disclosed that the most senior SNP politicians have built up pensions worth £493,000 since they came to power five years ago.

“Those pension arrangements do not include those for Alex Salmond, who receives a special pension worth half his salary when he steps down.”

AhDinnaeKen wishes that cabinet minster universal benefits were truly universal and open to all in the sovereign EU region of Skintland.

Here’s hoping.

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4 Comments

Filed under Culture, Morality, Newspeak

4 responses to “SNP Cabinet – putting the Klepto into Kleptocrats

  1. Where exactly are you meant to come from? I only ask because your use of Scots words and phrases is all over the place with some stuff from the east of Scotland,my part of the world,some from central Scotland and some from the west. Could it be that you’re not even Scottish? Going by the pish you write that is a distinct possibility! SAOR ALBA!

    • Thankyou Pictishbeastie

      Where exactly are you meant to come from?

      I come from wherever you want me to bud. I even come from behind if that’s what you prefer. 🙂

      Could it be that you’re not even Scottish?

      Would it make a difference if I wasn’t?

      Going by the pish you write…

      Now you’re just being sadly dull and predictable. It’s Fifty Shades of Pish. Get it right please!

      SAOR ALBA?

      Roon mah way, we prefer to say: “Fffrrrrreeeeeeedddddooooommmmmm!”

      But each to their own. Eh?

      TADA GAN IARRACHT

  2. daftquine

    It does my heart good to know that on retirement Oor Gracious Representatives here in Skintland will be well looked after by us, after all they have served themselves…oops I mean us… very well indeed.

    (By the way I note that the First Lady is also enjoying the benefits of a spell in the Windy City. Luckily for her, she has her own engagements and does not have to spend all of her time watching boring golf with old Windbag!)

    But back to the subject at hand…. The generous remuneration and benefits (free prescriptions, bus passes, hospital parking and so on…) will make up for the fact that they won’t afford a bottle o’ Brandy or Scotch for a toddy… wait a minute…..

  3. Thankyou Daftquine

    At least we know the tough decisions to let council workers go are for the greater good – the greater good of the Scottish cabinet’s collective pension pots.

    They’ve learned their lesson well from the Tory and Labour Unionyptians – so it’s trebles all round. Cheers!

    Regards

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