Ministry of Magical Education declares Tuition fee edict to punish impure rUK mudbloods.
By Loonies Uptonogood
THE SCOTTISH Ministry of Magical Education is to close a loophole that allows filthy mudbloods to leech purebloods rightful student tuition fees.
Scottish purebloods and European Unionist purebloods currently pay no blood fund fees, but filthy English, Irish and Welsh mudbloods will have to pay.
Some mudbloods have avoided paying fees by receiving false pureblood status due to mixed mudblood/pureblood parentage.
From next year, students will have to take a pureblood porridge test.
European Unionist law dictates that European Unionist purebloods must be treated the same as Scottish purebloods.
The Scottish Department of Pureblood Ethnicity and Porridge Testing is determined to weed out filthy rUK mudbloods intent on leeching from Scottish purebloods.
Scottish Magical Education Minister Professor Dumb-an-dour said: “There will be no Alohomora policy in oor wee country.
“We have received magical intelligence that filthy mudbloods are trying to cast a Confundus charm on our department.
“Rest assured we have a ready supply of Veritaserum to weed out the filthy kiddy on purebloods.”
Anti-Scottish mudblood student AntiScot-De-Mort said: “Dumb-an-dour might think he’s cast the ultimate Expelliramus, but Lord AntiScot-De-Mort has a rUK Impedimenta spell or two up his sleeve.”
Harry Scotter, a typical Yes voter who lives in the cupboard under the English yoke said: “Indeed, the Scottish Ministry of Magic’s failure to understand that there are things much worse than Apartheid tuition fees has always been their greatest weakness.
“Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is SNP policy.”