Salmond to be charged with Bore crimes

The Neverendum has been going on now for what feels like hundreds of years. AhDinnaeKen looks at the futile attempts of Scottish parliamentarians to appear morally superior to a watching media.

“What makes the pain we feel from shame and jealousy so cutting is that vanity can give us no assistance in bearing them.” – Dim Sillars on Sun King Alex of Salmond.

By Pompus Vanityheidz

SCOTTISH MSPS have backed calls to prosecute Sun King Alex of Salmond for cowardly bore crimes against the sovereign people of Scotland.

Independent MSP Margo MacDonut (97) lodged a motion at the Scottish Parliament seeking “a simple amendment making illegal the putting of the country on hold for the sake of a Constitutional vanity project which is bound to fail in Scotland.”

It gained early support from Unholy Alliance party leaders TRuth Gotyason, Fandabadozie Lament, Willie Wont-he and failed ex-SNP wouldbe leader and piggy eyed patsy Alex Kneel.

Ms MacDonut, a former SNP deputy leader and Margaret Thatcher supporter, said Scotland had a unique opportunity to ask a straight and simple question and it had been “completely fudged” by the Firstminster.

Her militant windae brekker husband Dim Sillars, another former SNP blowhard, has called on SNP drones “to force Wee Eck into accepting a single question and getting on wi’ dealing with issues which affect people in real life.”

Scribbling in the Hootsmon newspaper, he suggested an amendment to the International Bore Crime Court (Skintland) Act 2001 or a short Bill to import the IBCC’s definition of “boring” into Scots law.

“We have to ask if it can ever be right that a leader who, through conspiracy with his bloated ego,  who concealed the way to one question boredom through lies, distortion and pure feartiness of a defeat and consequent job loss, should go unpunished while the victims of that action are either languishing on the Work Programme in their many thousands, or are living with the depressing consequences of the inane crushing boredom?” he droned and droned.

“Eck knows cringing boredom is a crime. He believes he is safe because SNP drones are too deluded to see through his anti-Midas vanity touch.”

Mr Sillars remains a sniping sidelined SNP member who retreated from frontline politics following a ‘smackdown’ from Sun King Salmond in the 1990s, while Ms MacDonut fell out of favour with the party in 2003 for being an ‘abrasive smartarse’ forever associated with voting for Margaret Thatcher.

Ensconced with a Tunnocks Caramel wafer and a cup of tea at his Mute Hoose residence, the Firstminster said: “Sillars and his smartarse wife can go and raffle theirsels. I might be boring everyone to death but Sillars should remember that virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Law, New Bills

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