AhDinnaeKen pays tribute to the strategically ruthless genius of Sun King Alex of Salmond in dealing with his friends and rivals
By Macho Velli
A PIGGY eyed patsy who is excellent at taking praise that isn’t due has been well and truly stitched by the Firstminster.
Political commentators in the ‘know’ have hailed the cabinet reshuffle of Alex Kneel as a masterstroke of Godfatherly proportions.
“Keep your friends close, but your enemies in the public eye where it’s inevitable they fail” may have been said by Michael Corleone but it was beautifully enacted by the Firstminster in Tuesday’s cabinet reshuffle.
The former Minister for Windaestructure and Caravan Spending Alex Kneel will now become the High Priest of Abstinence, Temperance, Intolerance and Health – the department most tipped for a car crash of embarrassing proportions in the next year or so.
Mr Kneel has publicly stated that he is delighted with the post – widely mooted as a promotion – but privately he knows it’s only a matter of time till he’s “oot the door” in disgrace.
He wailed: “Luk at whit Auld Nick Sturgeon’s left me wi’ ; blanketless hospitals, less NHS staff than when the SNP came in to government, a legacy of FOI knockbacks gettin fun’ oot and exposed, closed doon wean’s hospitals, and an inevitable public bitch slapping from the SWA (Diageo) for the Jakey Apartheid alcohol tax.
“Oh woe is me and ah’ve got to smile aboot it – Bas***d!”
Mr Kneel won praise and plaudits for his assistance of the poor with their poverty – he further helped them into fuel poverty by cutting back on central heating and loft insulation budgets.
He also assisted his cash insulated troosers wi’ a big fat £100,000 “caravan” profit cheque, aided, abetted and paid for by the Scottish tax payer.
Spokesperson of non-judgemental non-partisan non-sensical transgender Wee Naebudy said: “Alex is getting what he deserves and the Firstminster is to be thanked for that.”