Drug addicts die in record numbers under SNP

Record numbers of methadone deaths under SNP’s ‘Road to Ruin’ campaign in Scotland means savings never before seen under Unionist control

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or neverendum or SNP political hypocrisy.” – Methadone Man (Scottish Superhero)

By Ootma Heidman

DRUG RELATED deaths soared to record heights in Scotland thanks to Drug King Alex of Salmond’s Scottish Parliament.

The news has been welcomed by Scottish ministers as proof that Scotland does things better under SNP governance.

The number of addicts dying from their lifestyle choice rose by a whopping 20 per cent under the SNP to 584.

Community Thought Control minister Roseanna Cuntingham said: “These figures represent 584 success stories of people coming off of drugs permanently.

“The deaths represent a saving to the taxpayer of approximately £6 million every year in prescription charges alone, never mind the periphery problems of vomiting, petty theft, burglary and passerby intimidation.”

Labourer’s Whois Macdonald said: “With a large proportion of deaths involving methadone, it would appear that the SNP are on to a winner with their carte blanche £28 million per annum prescription strategy.”

Scots Tory leader Truth Gotyason said: “This outstanding demonstration of philanthropic prescription donation by the SNP to the drug using community illustrates the human success of parking methadone addicts onto high street pharmacies throughout Scotland.”

Of the fatalities – which now account for one in every 100 deaths in Scotland – 32 committed suicide due to Neverendum boredom while 356 died as a result of free methadone prescriptions.

The annual death toll has risen exponentially since the launch of the SNP’s ‘Road to Ruin’ drug addiction campaign in 2008.

Health Minister Michael Mathedon broadly welcomed the increased figures.

He said: “Every death represents a saving of approximately £10,000 to the Parliament. This money can be better spent refusing Freedom of Information requests and promoting a second face saving question in the Neverendum.”

Five hundred and eighty four sovereign members of the methadone community were unavailable for comment.


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2 responses to “Drug addicts die in record numbers under SNP

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