The-Hague: We will not let Assalmond leave UK

The Imperialist British Government was last night locked into a people’s sovereignty legal row after it insisted it would not allow Salmyleaks founder Sun King Alex of Assalmond to hold an illegal separatist neverendum

“No, I think that we’ve got a basic discrepancy here between the rule of law versus the rule of Assalmond.” – sovereign Scottish person.

By Itsyer Kuntry

FOREIGNISH SECRETARY Oorwullie The-Hague last night criticised the Big Scottish Cooncil’s decision to offer Mr Assalmond Devo-Max Neverendum immunity.

In language that appeared designed to inflame sporrans and ginger hair, The-Hague warned that ‘people’s sovereignty’ immunity should not be used to harbour alleged illegal Neverendums.

He indicated that ministers did not intend to back down on the issue, warning the stand off would probably end up in court.

Mr Assalmond faces defeat if he dares hold a one question Neverendum in Scotland.

He has been hiding behind a ‘sovereign people’s’ consultation where he faces allegations of being a ‘big feartie’ and a ‘sore loser’.

Supporters fear that, should he hold a one question Neverendum, he would lose big time and have to face an SNP firing squad.

In another twist last night, Mr Assalmond said he would make a public statement regarding why Ian Gieyeadoingson was not beyond smearing.

Relations between the UK and Mr Assalmond’s ego have dipped dramatically, even before the stand off, with the ego accusing Imperialist ministers of acting within the law.

The Unionist Conquistadors had revealed the existence of a little known Section 30 Scotland Act law which reminds the Big Scottish Cooncil of its limitations and incompetence.

Within hours Assalmond said he would have to make a “significant concession” or throw everything to pot and blame the anti-Scottish Scots and English as a diversionary tactic.

Making an announcement on behalf of Assalmond, Joan McCarthyalpine said: “Joan liebt alles an Assalmond, sogar seinen Rettungsring.”

However, The-Hague later said: “We will not allow Mr Assalmond safe passage out of the one question Neverendum, nor is there any ‘sovereign’ basis for us to do so.

“There is no threat here of jam tomorrow. We are talking about an Act of Parliament which stresses it must be used in full conformity with international law.”

He rejected talk of a deal that would see Mr Assalmond hold the Westminster parliament to account.

The-Hague said: “This is the United Kingdom fulfilling its obligations under the Scotland Act to Scotland, a close colony of ginger whingers in so many ways, a thorn in the side of imperialist subjugation.

“Therefore to us it is a simple matter of carrying out our law but, as well as being simple, it is something we must do.

“Besides, there’s nothing funnier than seeing the the scarlet arses of the Nationalists well and truly skelped.”

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Filed under Diplomacy, Law, Referendum

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