With this ring I see red

Gay campaigners may be happy at the new legislation to come, but what about the ugly people?

Societies and Neverendums can be sunk by the weight of buried ugliness and legislation kicked into the long grass. It’s still uncertain if Keith or Mick wanted to get married in Scotland they would be allowed to do so.

By Feelin Lephtoot

SECULAR LEADERS reacted angrily after the Big Scottish Cooncil failed to mention ugly people in the proposed gay marriage legislation yesterday.

The Stab Inn regulars called the SNP move a “cynical exercise in pretendy progressiveness,” while the Rub a Chubby Pub accused the Cooncil of doing “nothing” to protect ugly people’s rights to be protected from discrimination.

Bashower Theheid, of the council of Fugly Barstewards, claimed people were in favour of gay marriage but “only if they were good looking”. And Free Bar leaders said it was a “truly sad day for all those gay people whom no one fancies.”

Deputy First Fag Hag Auld Nick Sturgeon admitted almost two thirds of a record 77,000 responses to last year’s public consultation on gay marriage had never even seen The Rocky Horror Show on the telly or at the cinema.

But she said: “These people should not get hot and flustered, they should use a little mustard.”

Auld Nick also said the Unionist Forces of Oppression lawmakers provided the perfect excuse to kick the legislation into the long grass so that it doesn’t interfere with the Neverendum in 2014.

Scottish Lib-Bent leader Willie Wontie said: “Ah’m so excited ah think ah’ve wet mah drawers.”

Blowina Gael, 27, from Edinborrow, who wants to wed civil partner Wankina Gael, 32, said: “I’m delighted that we’re both good looking. There might have been a hitch if we weren’t.”

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