Furious SNP rewrite history to suit their own political agenda

History lessons set to place Scotland at the centre of the known universe

“History is a set of lies agreed upon.” ― Napoleon Bonaparte

By Lord Nose Heehaw

FURIOUS NATIONALIST politicians and Cybernats hit back yesterday at Unionist plans to smear the SNP with attempting to rewrite history.

Branded as the new Battle of Britain, the conflict centres on key historical incidents which fail to be mentioned in the new Curriculum of Pure Excellence.

The module on the Thatcher Golden Age is set to emphasise the SNP role in ensuring the election of the Iron Lady  to Prime Ministerhood in 1979 – a vote for which the Thatcherites were eternally grateful.

School pupils will also learn about the Scottish Nationalists backs to the wall defence of Stalingrad in 1942 – grimly holding out until King Robert De Bruce mounted a valiant rout of the Nazi Unionist Quisling besiegers.

Critics claim the failure to teach children about the Scottish Parliament of 1606 passing legislation leading to the enslavement of salt pan workers and miners is a dereliction of historical duty.

The content of this Unit allegedly reflects a ‘progressive and civic’ Alba Dal Riata and Scottish perspective.

The interpretation of the UK’s part in the war is contained in the course notes for teachers in the National History 5, which is replacing Proper Grades in schools.

It is part of the controversial Curriculum for Pure Excellence and pupils will be railroaded through the new exams in however many years it takes time.

One teacher said: “This is a staggering omission. How can anyone fail to teach children about the golden age of the Scottish Parliament when Lairds and landowners could effectively enslave previously free persons to work in their mines is beyond me.

“Vagabonds, beggars and land workers could be rounded up and legally bonded to the land unless the Laird or landowner gave express permission for them to leave.

“Pupils need to know about this, it is part of our independent Scottish Parliamentary heritage.”

Earlier this year, Gauleiter for Culture and Education Mike Bernhard Rust-ell was accused of risking pupils leaving school with a clear and unbiased view of Scotland’s past after he unveiled plans to teach Braveheart Studies as a new subject to every child.

Scottish Tory deputy Jackson Couldnaecarelaw said: “Teaching the history of Scotland is really a reinforcing of the notion that you’ll get a sound beating from the numerically superior English at every turn.

“What kind of aspiration will that lead to for the kids other than cringing resentment?”

Scottish Government spokesperson Wee Naebudy said: “These claims are plain wrang. There will be more scope to study the Battle of Bannockburn and the Battle of Stirling Bridge than there ever was before under the new compulsory qualifications.”

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