Keep the UK foreigners oot o’ this campaign warns chief Yes man

Latest fund raising stooshie proves that Referendum Campaigning is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.

As a writer, I tell stories and people give me money. Then Neverendum campaigners tell me stories and I give them money. I’m half Welsh and sometimes live there. Yet the Yessers say they don’t want my money. Hmmm!

By Jaundiced Sassenach

TONYBLAIR JENKINS of the Just Say Yes (please) Campaign branded the English, Welsh and Irish ‘bloody foreigners’ last night.

The ex-BBC Tristram says that their money’s no good in Scotland and their campaign donations should get sent homeward tae think again.

But Bitter Together stoolpigeon Asmodeus Darling hit back saying that he objected to fellow Brits being called ‘foreigners’ but was later forced to admit he didnae like the ‘bloody’ Welsh either.

The stooshie blew up over the funding of the resepective Yes, No, Maybe, Oh I Don’t Know, Neverendum campaigns.

Tonyblair claims that money coming from outwith the Dal Riata Alba Caledonian Pictish Gael William Wallace Braveheart Commando community is anti-Scottish and should be treated as such.

Asmodeus reminded the Yessers that a campaign is usually more careful of its money than it is of its principles.

He said: “Like the Yessers we have no principles so it doesn’t matter where the money comes from. Money is like an arm or leg – use it or lose it.”

Mr Jenkins, a former big-wig Tristram of the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation, is “absolutely determined” to take and hold the high ground of lottery funded moral superiority.

He said: “There is evidence to suggest that most Yessers feel strongly that £1 million quid in lottery donations gives us an advantage.

“We aim to hold on to that advantage by playing the insular ‘Wee Scotlander’ card.”

His comments came after the SNP repeated its call for the anti-independence campaign to agree to lottery winner only donation rules ahead of the referendum.

The party released details of a FukYouGov opinion poll which suggested that 99.99% of £150 million plus lottery winners in Scotland believed referendum donations should be controlled in this way compared to 0% who disagreed.

Spokesperson for the SNP Wee Naebudy said: “A fool and his money are soon elected.”

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