Hollyrood ego premieres with Grave consequences

The Right Honourable Sun King was at his attention seeking best this week attending the launch of the blockbuster of the week, ‘Grave’

The crowds were gagging for independence

Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room. So go on, vote Yes, just for Wee Eck.

By Sun Struck

THE LATEST Disnae animation ‘Grave’ has held it’s worldwide premiere in Hollyrood.

The movie tells the tale of  wee cheeky chappy Eck who defies public opinion and gets into trouble as a result.

Many of the real life cast are diminutive Scottish politicians, with a special guest appearance from Joan McAlpine, hilariously pretending to be a real politician with questions to ask.

She spoke to BBC Imperialists on the Yellow (chosen instead of traditional red to represent the Political landscape) carpet.

McAlpine said: “Wee Eck is an adventurous powermongering teenager and a very self satisfied young man.

“The spell is broken when the electorate says he hus tae ‘get real’ and accept some adult responsibilities.

“That’s when he takes the neverendum into his own hands and makes a mess of everything.”

Former Big Debate star Auld Nick Sturgeon voices Lady MacGoatagubbin.

She believes the film will help audiences appreciate the SNPs lack of humour.

Auld Nick said: “There is so much history of intolerance in Scotland and there is so much for idle hands to do.

“I think some people think the Scots Nats are a kind of dour folk and my health policies will make sure that their dourness increases by an estimated 1314%.

“We’re actually pretty wild, funny, alive, mad wi’ it people. This film will help to stop this kind of unacceptable belief.”

For some Scottish politicians this movie will be a chance to get ideas above their station.

For others it is a chance to be part of a big Scottish Cooncil that isnae Westminster.

Political bosses hope the film will generate millions of pounds of hot air for the Scotttish talking shop.

Firstminster Sun King Alex of Salmond was at the premiere and said the impact of Grave could be greater than that of Ipsos Mori’s opinion poll.

He said: “It is incredibly exciting, the crowds are wonderful. Grave is the next big thing and I think 16-17 year old voters all over Scotland are going to absolutely detest this film and because they detest Grave, they’ll detest the Neverendum.”

The film features many familiar Scottish themes – there are cliques, subsidised lunch areas, Pinot Grigio and red hair.

But the Firstminster agreed the film doesn’t really represent modern Scotland.

He insisted: “This will put the Scottish Nationalists on the front page of the Sun across newsagents throughout Scotland. That is the new tradition, get intae bed wi’ ony corporate shyster that might gie us a haun gettin’ into some real power.”

Grave goes on general release across Scotland on 18th October 2014.

The tourism agency, MidgeScotland, hope it will boost midge numbers and breeding capacity by around 140m.

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