Firstminster Sun King Alex of Salmond’s Declaration of Inralavyson is sooked up by the faithful everywhere.
By Plaida Blinder
SCOTLAND’S FIRSTMINSTER Sun King Alex of Salmond has claimed his bank account wheeze may have been sussed by everyone.
He said he believed a personal advisor at the Scottish Parliament viewed his account before the 1999 Big Cooncil elections.
He told the Inralavyson Witchhunt Media Trial: “My reason for believing that is that I was telt by a present employee.”
The Scottish National Party Messiah admitted that he still wisnae gonnae say if his phone was hacked.
It had been rumbled that the Sun King was prepared to shine Mr Murdoch’s shoes or anything else it took to gain the political favour of the Scum newspaper and other NewsBore media outlets.
He said it was “a pain in the arse” that he should only get to meet News Bore boss Goebbels Murdoch five times in five days.
He added: “I’m not in the same league as Tony Bliar or Bufty Broon or Damocles Cameron.”
Evil media insurrectionists Grauniad News & Meeja, publisher of the abhorrent Observation newspaper, said Mr Salmond bugged them aboot sumthin tae dae wi’ his parliamentary adviser last year.
It added: “Funny he did that a week after the Scum printed an opology to it by the Grauniad.”
Ex-Screws International boss Redwrecker Broke, 96, husband Aritecharlie, 34, and sixty seven other Screws International employees appeared before the Big Coort on Thursday accused of being injust hacking perverts.