Goebbels Murdoch’s favourite pet catamite the Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond has robustly defended his decision to cosy up to corporate fat cats with bloated cheque books and monopolistic footprints – all in the name of job creation and economic security. AhDinnaeKen publishes the coporation hit list currently within the Firstminster’s sights in order to create more jobs for a free and independent Scotland.
By Ethicsin Actionman
THE FOLLOWING list includes companies which have been “vastly misunderstood” and avoided like the plague according to the Firstminster.
The Right Honourable Sun King reckons the universal castigation and haun’s aff pariah approach provides niche opportunities for a wee, intellectually challenged, impoverished country to take advantage of its supine populace. Here we publish the relevant details of each company targeted and identified by Alex Kneel and Mike Bernhard Rust-ell with short summaries and conclusions for each:
Dow Chemical – Despite the negative press over Union Carbide’s unfortunate accident circa 1984, the Firstminster has recognised several fronts for Scottish jobs. New chemical and gas distillation factories will thrive under indpendence due to a relaxed health and safety environment. Aside from new factory jobs, accidental mass killings are expected to boost jobs in the health service, the supply service, the media and the pharmaceutical industry. New industries such as gas mask manufacturing should also be a welcome offshoot for entrepreneurs and job seekers alike.
Rio Tinto – Environmental concerns will keep the Greens and associated tree huggers in full time jobs whinging about the impact of Rio Tinto’s highly profitable mining operations on the countryside. Issues such as air quality, animal welfare and human health issues will all have to be dealt with by the professionally outraged operating a variety of biodiversity monitoring systems. As a further bonus, Rio also has progressive policies toward wage negotiations, employee relations and industrial concessions. One to watch for the Common Wealth Games says the Firstminster.
Nike – As Sir Tom Hunter alluded to in his speech to the Scottish Parliament recently, Independent Scots need to be seen wearing independent trainers. Abolition of outdated Imperialist Child Protection legislation shall free the Scottish Government to create jobs and new child apprenticeship synergies between employer and employees. Nike has pioneered this approach to progressive age of labour relaxations in other independent countries such as Vietnam, Cambodia and Scotland’s newest trading partner China.
Apple – Amongst the best known and loved brands in the world, Apple is one of Sun King Alex’s favourite companies due to the unquestioning loyalty of its followers to the brand. He sees parallels between the Steve Jobs cult of personality and the Sun King Alex of Salmond variety. Aside from the pioneering technology Apple has cut through irritating employment law including health and safety issues by outsourcing to China. He sees an independent Scotland which is able to emulate China’s approach to workers rights issues thus opening the employment and jobs market to inward investment opportunities.
Al-Qaeda – International terrorism is one of the truth growth industries prevalent throughout the developed and developing world. It is currently expanding at an exponential rate helped by progressive policies such as those currently witnessed in independent countries such as Syria and Bahrain. With access to integrated performance management systems and easy to access management analytics, Scotland could easily outsource terrorist reconnaisance in innovative and integrated packages which would create hundreds of jobs throughout the country.