Salmond Plays Get Out Of Jail Free Card

All Fun and Games as Alex Collects £200 Sterling for Passing Go

Confess to Bank Account being hacked. Collect £200 Sterling.

Clever gimmicks of mass distraction yield a cheap soulcraft of addicted and self-medicated narcissists.said a successful Leveson witness today.

By Presh Heraff Thancfuk

WEE ECK, the Scottish Firstchancer Monopoly gamer, told the Inralavyson inquiry, that he’d played his Community Chest caird which read “Observer bank error in your favour, get out of jail free.”

Giving evidence to the Inralavyson inquiry, Eck said a former Observation journalist had gone back three spaces through his bank account approximately one hundred years ago.

He explained how one week after the Grauniad had cravenly apologised to the Scum newspaper on 15 July 2011 over Bufty Broon’s wean’s medical records, the Fun and Games really began.

Wee Eck contacted Goebbels Murdoch with a future proofed plan and wrote a letter to the Observation newspaper regarding his allegedly hacked bank account.

The politico-media plan – known in the business as a ‘Community Chest Banker’ – was then allowed to take its course.

Grauniad News & Meeja, publisher of the Observation, investigated the claim but found no evidence and telt Eck ‘do not pass go’ unless you provide mare details.

He didnae need tae. The deed wis din.

Eck then held on to this Community Chest Banker for almost a year, waiting to play it to best advantage.

With mounting pressure in the Big Scots Cooncil and anticipation rising over the Firstchancer’s hacking phone status, the Community Chest ‘Get Oot o’ Jail Free’ caird was played with immaculate timing.

“Wiz your phone hacked Firstchancer?” asked QC Robber Jaybird at the Inralavyson inquiry.

“Ah dinnae ken!” said Wee Eck, “But whit ah dae ken is that the Observation hacked mah Bank accoont.”

Ubiquitous politico-media commentator Professor John Poultice of Scratchcard University said it was a “classic diversion tactic.”

He said: “Taking a leaf out of the Tony Blair Headline Spinners Handbook, the Firstchancer provided the perfect news story for the waiting hack pack.

“What he’s done here is present a classic smokescreen stramash. Throw the dogs a meaty scrap, let them fight among themselves, get out of jail free.”

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