Sports philanthropist says Independence needs right brand of trainers

Role model philanthropist and owner of £5000 Kylie Minogue trainers tells Big Bloodyrude Cooncil whit tae dae wi’ itsel

Back of the van philanthropist makes an offer they can't refuse to the Scottish Big Cooncil

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Imagine how far that lie could travel with a pair of Nike trainers on.

By Wan San Shue

ENTREPRENEUR SIR Tom Punter believes all politicians should wear more trainers for Scotland.

He made the remark during a ‘Jogging in Parliament’ conference at Bloodyrude.

Sir Tom said he was as yet unsure about whether “we need frrrreeeedddddooooommmm!!™” but he was certain Scotland needed to be responsible for the brand of trainers the population were wearing.

Privy Cooncillor The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond also preached at the event. He pontificated that successes seen in the cinema multiplex and offshore patriot sector could be repeated across other industries.

Sir Tom told the gathering inside the Big Talkin’ Shoap that “trainers of every brand can be used as a form of identity, character and business acumen. The right trainers can help us do what is right for Scotland by denoting our ‘right footwear’ thinking.

He said: “We in Scotland need to be footwear responsible. Quite simply, we need to be responsible for what we put on our feet and the comfort of what we wear.

“I don’t know if we need independence yet. I’m still waiting to see what type of trainers both sides will be wearing. But I do know I can get you a discount for just about any brand, Ahdidas-ahwastelt are particularly popular with rank and file SNP members at the moment.”

He challenged everyone “to raise our game and invent the new Enlightenment by wearing the best trainers for the job.”

The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond said: “If wearing Union Jack trainers with the Queen’s coopon on it gained any extra votes, I’d back it.

“Sir Tom has raised an excellent point. I believe the SNP can be as successful at trainer wearing as any party in the UK.”


1 Comment

Filed under Culture, Economy, Referendum

One response to “Sports philanthropist says Independence needs right brand of trainers

  1. Warwolf

    This is just stupid nonsense. What you you think you are doing?

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