Role model philanthropist and owner of £5000 Kylie Minogue trainers tells Big Bloodyrude Cooncil whit tae dae wi’ itsel
By Wan San Shue
ENTREPRENEUR SIR Tom Punter believes all politicians should wear more trainers for Scotland.
He made the remark during a ‘Jogging in Parliament’ conference at Bloodyrude.
Sir Tom said he was as yet unsure about whether “we need frrrreeeedddddooooommmm!!™” but he was certain Scotland needed to be responsible for the brand of trainers the population were wearing.
Privy Cooncillor The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond also preached at the event. He pontificated that successes seen in the cinema multiplex and offshore patriot sector could be repeated across other industries.
Sir Tom told the gathering inside the Big Talkin’ Shoap that “trainers of every brand can be used as a form of identity, character and business acumen. The right trainers can help us do what is right for Scotland by denoting our ‘right footwear’ thinking.
He said: “We in Scotland need to be footwear responsible. Quite simply, we need to be responsible for what we put on our feet and the comfort of what we wear.
“I don’t know if we need independence yet. I’m still waiting to see what type of trainers both sides will be wearing. But I do know I can get you a discount for just about any brand, Ahdidas-ahwastelt are particularly popular with rank and file SNP members at the moment.”
He challenged everyone “to raise our game and invent the new Enlightenment by wearing the best trainers for the job.”
The Right Honourable Sun King Alex of Salmond said: “If wearing Union Jack trainers with the Queen’s coopon on it gained any extra votes, I’d back it.
“Sir Tom has raised an excellent point. I believe the SNP can be as successful at trainer wearing as any party in the UK.”