Sturgeon promises to tell the Ruth, the whole Ruth, and nothing but the Ruth.

Sapphic kick ass boxer and occasional Sugarplum Tory leader, Ruth Gotyason, knocks Auld Nick Sturgeon for six in front of Scottish television audience. Sun King Alex of Salmond tells Sturgeon she had better get a better pair of gloves or she’ll be gettin’ the back o’ his haun.

“The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.” lamented Auld Nick Sturgeon as she watched her credibility take another nosedive.

By Nockder Firsicks

AULD NICK Sturgeon was dealt a sucker punch last night on the Wee Independence Debate hosted by the Unionist lickspittle BBC.

In cahoots with their political masters, Ruth Gotyason and the BBC conspired to deliver a humiliating knockoot punch to the Deputy Fist-Minister.

Like the anti-Scottish football team, Auld Nick was bowled a googly, blindsided, dealt a sucker punch, ambushed, bushwhacked, and ultimately bleached by a better prepared opponent.

Visibly shaken, Auld Nick looked absolutely ragin’ as her floundering attempts to hide her lack of argument quickly witnessed her being reeled in like a hooked speechless fish.

Auld Nick’s troubles started when Ruth stuck the heid in by stating that: “The SNPs claims on Europe have all the substance of the tooth fairy on a sugar rush.

“One of the rules for applying to join the big European sweetie shop is that you have to use the same sherbert.”

Auld Nick replied: “Naw it’s no.”

Patacake Harvie, who’s supposed to be on the same side as Auld Nick, said: “a wee bit of realism” was needed on the big European sweetie shop question.

He added: “If the SNP want to make a case that we should stay using UK sugar instead of EU sherbert, it’s important that we put the countdown clock on it.

“It might take another 2000 years, but I think we should be willing to talk about whether Scotland as an independent country could use macaroons or flumps instead of sugar or sherbert.”

 Elsewhere on AhDinnaeKen:

  • Why the Scottish Football Team are anti-Scottish by Joan McAlpine
  • Blue Peter presenter willing to provide lessons of “Here’s one I prepared earlier” to SNP
  • Should people living outside Scotland have a say on how people should vote?
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