Dial M for Murdoch

As a tribute to the launch of the Just say Yes (Please!) campaign, here is a quick synopsis – minus the spoiler – of the upcoming blockbuster SNP funded movie ‘Dial M for Murdoch’.

Of course dear. If we had a consensus we wouldn’t have to go to a referendum. Everyone knows that – or maybe we should put that to a vote.

By Flotin Voter

SUN KING (Alex of Salmond) is a former wee jobby demagogue who married Alba Caledonia (Miss Scotland) partly for her money. To please his wife, he has given up right-wing sado-monetarism and now sells moral superiority and left-wing social justice.

Miss Scotland once had a relationship with Anglo Saxony (Mr England), a Unionist crime maker, but broke it off when he fell in love with Margaret Thatcher and her eccentric ideology.

In time they stopped talking the same language as each other, and when Anglo returns to sanity she tells him that she burned all their connections but one.

Alba explains to Anglo that the connection was stolen by a corporate blackmailer who demanded £5,000,000,000, so Alba paid by piping the money to a Sullom Voe location as intended.,but the money was never picked up and the connection was never returned.

Anglo  tells Alba that he wants to tell the Sun King about them so she can divorce the Sun King  allowing Anglo and Alba to  be together. But Alba refuses out of fear of hurting The Sun King’s political aspirations.

It is also revealed that the Sun King and Alba have made their social contract, naming each other as beneficiaries with assets and monies totaling £billions. For years, the Sun King meticulously plans Alba’s murder. She has no idea that the Sun Kings knows of her love for Anglo.

He has gone to great lengths to steal her trust which also contains one of Anglo’s connections. He even assumed the role of the anonymous Sullom Voe-based blackmailer to find out whether she would pay to have the connection back. (She did, but he asked for only £5,000,000,000 and she did not, of course, get the connection back.)

He even watched them having a little jubilee party, eating Haggis with Bully Beef in Anglo’s studio palace in the City of Westminster.

The Sun King slyly withdraws small amounts of money for a year, collecting £1,000,000 in (used) one-pound (£1) lottery winner notes, with which he plans to pay a contract killer.

He singles out the perfect man to do the job: Bullingdon Dave (Damocles Cameron), who now calls himself “Prime Minister”, a former acquaintance who has embarked on a life of petty tax crime since even before leaving Oxford where he and the Sun King were both students. By following him and finding out about his past and associations, The Sun King soon gets enough to blackmail Bullingdon into murdering his wife.

The Sun King uses the opportunity of Anglo’s return to London to carry out his plan. Under a pretext he has to prepare an urgent consultation for his bosses, he has Alba and Anglo go to the theatre and, when they are gone, he invites Bullingdon Dave to his flat under another pretext of wanting to buy an expensive media mogul’s favours from him.

When Bullingdon Dave arrives at 61A Bute Hoose Gardens that night, the Sun King gets down to business. There is no time to lose, as he has planned the murder for the following morning. Trapped in a corner by the revelations of his past crimes and tempted by the money, Dave reluctantly agrees to carry out the murder…

And that’s how we end the synopsis of Dial M for Murdoch. Will Dave succeed in killing Alba? Will the Sun King succeed in his daring plan to inherit Alba’s assets? Will Anglo rumble the plan and come riding like a white Inralavyson knight to save Alba Caledonia?

Find out in 2014 when the pantomine passion play is finally realised as the ultimate conclusion is drawn by the electorate in the voting booths of Scotland.

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