Following recent murmurings regarding NATO and EU Membership and Currency and Monarchy deference and turning Independence into Indy Beige, Wee Eck decided to hold a meeting against the Unholy Alliance of Unionist forces of oppression. AhDinnaeKen is proud to present a transcript of how that meeting progressed.
John Finnie: Right. We get in through the Scottish Parliamentary system here… up through to the mainstream consciousness here… and the Unionists’ parliament is here. Having grabbed Scotland, we inform Damocles Cameron that Scotland is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
Angus Robberson: What exactly are the demands?
Wee Eck: We’re giving Damocles Cameron two years to dismantle the entire apparatus of the British Imperialist State and if they don’t agree immediately secede Scotland.
Angus Robberson: Cut the oil off?
Moan McVulpine: Cut all its bits off, send ’em back every hour on the hour… show them we’re not to be trifled with.
Wee Eck: Also, we’re demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of Damocles Cameron with his Trident cock hanging out.
Auld Nick: What? They’ll never agree to that, Eck.
Wee Eck: That’s just a bargaining chip. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop their Union up, and… that we shall not submit to blackmail.
All: (Applause) No blackmail!
Wee Eck: They’ve bled us white, the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers’ fathers.
Auld Nick: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Wee Eck: Yes.
Auld Nick: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Wee Eck: All right, Auld Nick. Don’t labour the point – ye lost Glesca like a true loser. Get ower it. And what have they ever given us in return?
Moan McVulpine: The steam engine.
Wee Eck: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That’s true.
Drone SNP MSP: And sanitation!
Auld Nick: Oh yes… sanitation, Eck, you remember what the country used to be like.
Wee Eck: All right, I’ll grant you that the steam engine and sanitation are two things that the Union has done…
Moan McVulpine: And the roads…
Wee Eck: (sharply) Well yes obviously the roads… the roads go without saying. But apart from the steam engine, the sanitation and the roads…
Another Drone SNP MSP: Canals…
Other SNP Drone Voices: Medicine… Miner Freedom… Health…
Wee Eck: Yes… all right, fair enough…
Drone SNP MSP Near Front: And the extra trade…
All SNP Drones: Oh yes! True!
Moan McVulpine: Aye. That’s something we’d really miss if we left the Union, Eck.
Anonymous SNP Drone at Back: Military protection!
Auld Nick: And it’s safe to walk in the streets at night now.
Moan McVulpine: Yes, they certainly know how to keep order… (general nodding)… let’s face it, they’re the only ones who could in a place like this.
(more general murmurs of agreement)
Wee Eck: All right… all right… but apart from better sanitation and medicine and steam engines and canals and public health and roads and miner freedom and extra trade and military protection and public order… what has the Union done for us?
Angus Robberson: Brought peace!
Wee Eck: (very angry, he’s not having a good meeting at all) What!? Oh… (scornfully) Peace, yes… shut up!