Whit They Said

Prominent Scottish Figures Give Their Verdict On The Contempt Shown By Moan McVulpine For Parliament And The Sovereign People Of Scotland

MAD MAX WULLIE WALLACE
There’s a real and present difference between you and me Venisonshanks. You think the people of this country exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it. You’re wan o’ they bourgeoisie anti-Scots shortbread heids that disnae gie a toss aboot the people. FREEDOM!!!!

QUEEN ANNE OF DENMARK

How daur you mark my coronation ascension anniversary in such a cheap and tawdry fashione. Like me, your ‘plunkin’ it will be  regarded with condescension by historians, who will emphasise your triviality and extravagance. Thou hast brought it on thy own heid lassie. May hell mend ye.

BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE

Like thou dearest lassie, I but exercised my Divine Right of Kings in my cosseted life of privilege. Like thou, Scotland was but my backdrop to gaining power. Like thou,  I suffered grievous harme and humiliation. Unlike thou, I doubt there will be anyone singing “Will ye know come back again” however.

RABBIE BURNS 

Now Wee Eck hangs her mantle green. On every bloomin table. And spreads her loins of venison steam. With which to create a fable. Now Strathdon Blue she does imbue. With bourgeoisie vain contempt. The Parliament she likes to screw. And laugh at Johann Lament. One question though is why indeed was she so vainly hired. Once again it’s Wee Eck’s haun which will save her from being fired.

ROBERT DE BRUCE

For, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under Presiding Officer rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for lunch – for that alone, which no dishonest woman gives up but with life itself.’

EMILY PANKHURST

There is something that Governments care for far more than human life, and that is the security of lunch, and so it is through lunch that we shall strike the enemy. Be militant each in your own way. I incite this lunch to rebellion. We are here, not because we are lunch-eaters; we are here in our efforts to become lunch-eaters. Go lassie Go! Eat lunch you bourgeoisie rebel.

HUGH MCDIARMID

I’ll ha’e nae hauf-way lunch, but aye be whaur yer no. Extreme venison meat – it’s the only way ye’ll ken. To dodge the curst conceit o’ bein’ a stupit lassie.
That damns the vast majority o’ Firstministerial aides. Yer function in Scotland during the past two to three years has been that of the Strathdon cheese sauce that vitalises the other torpid denizens of the Big Cooncil.

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOOT MOANIE

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