By Moan McVulpine on May 15, Deadlines gettin’ later by the week. Tsk!
SUN KING Alex of Salmond leaves the third most prosperous region in the United Kingdom this week – and he doesn’t need to travel far.
Britain is similar to Scotland in so many ways. One encompasses the other, while the other speaks the same language as the greater.
We have stunning scenery and our long, jagged coastlines are perfect for American plutocrats to desecrate in the name of golf and economic progress.
During his visit to Norway, Sun King Alex will not speak about why the Chinese now buy Scottish salmon in preference to the Norwegian variety.
The Sun King never lets on about onythin’ that could be embarrassing to Scotland, sorry, himself and the party (it’s so bloody hard to tell the difference these days dontcha think).
Scotland and Norway enjoy a rich undercurrent of social plurality, freedom and natural justice. Or so the SNP likes to kid itself on.
Norway developed the Nobel Peace Prize, Scotland encouraged drunken anti-semite, Mel Gibson, to play at being Wee Wullie Wallace.
What we need to ignore is the treatment meted out by the Chinese to Norway when they daured present the Nobel Peace Prize to Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo in 2010.
China immediately adopted trade sanctions and let vast warehouses worth of Norwegian salmon rot.
Norway reported China to the World Trade Organisation. So far hee haw has been din aboot it.
Scotland, of coorse, using a similar principle to Murdochgate, picked up the opportunistic slack.
The demand for salmon in China is now so great that we filled the gap at Norway’s expense. Isn’t the SNP good?
Of course, our green credentials were also exposed for the sham that they really are.
The extra salmon farms needed to fulfil the new deal helps exacerbate sea lice issues and hasten the inevitable extinction of wild salmon.
But who cares about that other than a bunch o’ welly clad greetin faced anglers bubblin’ on aboot negative impacts on tourism. Tsk, shame on them for talkin’ their country doon!
Onyway, if we can actively support political repression, who gies a toss about a few bloody wild salmon?
And now I get to harp on aboot oil and how Norway has made its people the happiest and richest per capita heid in the known universe thanks to the black stuff.
As we’re never bye remindin’ ye, the Tories and the Labourers squandered oor oil money on bankrolling their ideologically corrupt policies; unemployment, war, corporate tax breaks etc etc.
Thatcher wis the worst. So it’s nae surprise that we can take full credit for giein her a wee haun up the political ladder when we voted for her in 1979 to inflict her sado-monetarist ideology on the United Kingdom.
It’s convenient fir us tae ignore that Tony Benn wanted to build up an’oil fund’ with the nationalised BNOC.
Mrs Thatcher’s chancellor looted the North Sea almost immediately and then selt the BNOC off as a big thankyou bribe to the electorate and Maggie’s corporate paymasters. So weel din Thatcher Sark.
Independence is not about separating from Thatcher’s corporate theocratic ideology. Independence is aboot the SNP joinin’ in and gettin oor cut o’ corporate hegemony in order to further oor political careers.
Huv we no cowtowed tae Amazon? Huv we no prostituted oorsel’s tae Murdoch? Huv we no tramped aw ower local democracy fir ‘The Donald’? And huv we no actively supported political repression of Chinese dissidents?
Aw o’ these things are jist the same as onythin’ Westminster hus done. Remind yersel’ o’ that.
So vote for us come the referendum. It’ll be mare o’ the same, only we can wrap it up in tartan and shortbread tins.
Nane o’ the Unholy alliance can dae that.
Grasp the SNPs jaggy thistle. You know it makes sense.