Salmond threatens to impale dissenters with ‘Chib of Destiny’

A new report says bullying is ‘common’ in key areas of the Scottish National Party. The independent report was ordered after concerns were raised during a probe into the meek party acceptance of BSkyB lobbying and made up kiddy-on ‘jobs’

“It is always a much easier task to educate uneducated people than to re-educate the mis-educated.” said a SNP leader recently

By Salmthe Impaler

THE SCOTTISH National Party has an “inappropriate leadership culture” which originates from the top level, according to a new report.

The independent study was ordered after concerns about the party’s culture were raised during a probe into the manipulation of public headlines and corporate lobbying roles.

It found bullying was “standard practice” at certain levels within the organisation.

Lord Inralavyson, who ordered the report, said there was “no place in a modern democracy” for such a leadership style.

He added that the party itself needed to “man up and embrace a less craven attitude.”

Secrecy Culture

The report said interviews with SNP MSPs and SNP activists had depicted an organisation where being bullied and forced to “toe the line” was common at all levels.

It said the leadership styles described by rank and file politicians could be described as “creating an intimidating, demeaning and hostile working environment dedicated to a culture of timidity and unquestioning obedience.”

It also highlighted concerns surrounding a strong sense of a “secrecy culture” and a reluctance to proffer one’s honest opinion for fear of it upsetting the leadership.

The report said “a number of instances of bullying, intimidation and inappropriate behaviours were alleged, both first and second-hand.

One SNP Front Bencher, who wished to remain anonymous due to fear of retribution, said: “Sun King Alex is always ramming his divine right to rule doon oor throats.

“He says that he will stick his self righteous heid in onybudy who daurs challenge his rule.

“Rumour hus it that he hus an authentic replica of the revered schiltrom ‘Chib of Destiny’ as used by Robert De Bruce to win the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314.

“He has promised to stick it up the arse of onybudy talking oot o’ turn – particularly me.”

The new report makes recommendations which focus on deflating the Firstminster’s ego and  re-indoctrination of the rank and file.

“It is hoped that this report will lead to a new strategic direction and work to embed an inclusive, supportive, open and transparent culture throughout the organisation.” said Lord Inralavyson.

Official spokesperson for the SNP, Wee Naebudy, said: “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. And we widnae want that.”

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Filed under Morality, Newspeak, Opinion

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