Supersoaraway Sunoplasmic Publicity Injection causes ideology defect in bloggers

Publicity treatment used to help independence referendums become reality ‘linked to ideology defects’

“Half of the Scottish people never read a newspaper. Half never vote for Firstminster. Let’s hope it’s the same half” said Shami Shakeraparti

By Phree Dum

PUBLICITY TREATMENT used to help politicians become Firstminsters can raise the risk of ideology defects in bloggers, according to a new study.

Research on more than 1 Firstminster found those elected using Supersoaraway Sunoplasmic Publicity Injection (SASI) had a significantly higher risk of abnormalities developing in bloggers than those elected normally.

Researchers linked a census of more than 3 elections that occurred between 2007 and 2011 as a result of publicity treatment in Skintland to a registry of more than 3,000,000 voters and 50,000 blogging defects.

The report by the University of ItwistheSunwhitwunit published in the Whollyrude Journal of Mediocrity shows that on average defects were present in 78.3% of blogs that advocated SASI talk compared to just 5.8 per cent of those written naturally.

According to the study, door to door canvassing and television interviews posed the least risk to Firstminsters, with blogging defects occurring in only 7.2 per cent of bloggers.

SASI is primarily used for SNP publicity problems and the risk is decreased using a jobs alibi salve, according to the study’s lead author John Poultice of Scratchcard University.

“I don’t want to frighten politicians,” he said because the majority of voters remain normal.

“But this may be due to ideologically compromised bloggers failing to survive the cognitive dissonance process brought on by SASI.” he added.

More than 32% of registered electors vote each election through assisted publicity.

Methods include everything from twitter, websites, blogging, leafleting, newspapers, radio, television and door to door appearances.

SASI was developed because politicians were shown to be prepared to sell their souls in order to achieve power.

“Politicians have to be accountable to the blogosphere for these kind of actions.” said Shami Shakeraparti of bloggers rights group Zealotry.

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