My fundamental hypocrisy over phone hacking

By Moan McVulpine on May 1, It’s too hacking early!

WHEN Strathclyde Police called me to say they thought my phone had been hacked, my first thought was for my career.

Did some sleazy ex-colleague hack listen to my anti-Scots diatribe against non-SNP supporters?

I felt more sickened when I realised I could have deflected some publicity away from Jack McConnell’s well timed press release regarding his phone having been hacked.

I am not the grieving parent of a dead soldier or murder victim such as Milly Dowler. I am much more important. I am a sex aide to the Sun King Alex of Salmond. I dominate in the big Parish Cooncil in Bloodyrude.

The Sun King has temporarily, and possibly permananently, lost his halo in the eyes of many. I feel violated by this realisation. It’s as if the messiah has been stripped bare and put on the cross.

It preys on your mind. Just how many percentage points will this cost us come the referendum?

The first thing I thought was how can I make political capital out of this. Wee Jack’s revelations have cashed in on the Sun King’s embarrassment. It’s helped stoke the flames of righteousness over his unseemly sado-masochistic whoredom to Goebbels Murdoch.

How can we possibly hope to regain control of the reigns of righteousness?

My vain attempt is as laughable as my career in Bloodyrude. I’m going to blame the Labouring party, Trustme Bliar, Gordon Clown, Fandabadozie Lament, in fact anything or anybody to do with the Labouring party. I’ve even heard it whispered that their red flag had something to do with it.

Let’s remember that Sun King Alex of Salmond had nothing to do with Trustme Bliar’s law change to make it easier for Goebbels Murdoch to consolidate power.

He kept shtoom cos, as I opined last week, the SNP are good at keeping shtoom when it suits them.

I work closely with Sun King Alex of Salmond as his parliamentary sex aide. I feel him riding me to exhaustion to put forward the case for Scotland.

All in the fight for jobs; hand jobs, tit jobs, arse jobs, foot jobs and even blow jobs for powerful media barons like Goebbels Murdoch.

The Sun King is prepared to treat people like subjectified commodities in the name of jobs; he kept shtoom over Norway’s loss of jobs in the salmon trade, kept shtoom over the Doosan jobs that urnae coming and, most importantly, he kept shtoom over his job for the Murdochs as a lickspittle whore ready to do their bidding.

Can you imagine Fandabadozie Lament acting that low?

Me neither. She widnae huv the guts or gall.

I have particular reason to be outraged at the phone hacking, as I was once a corporate lickspittle whore at the Thunderer.

I kept shtoom about anything dodgy going on there and was content to play with my SNP coloured crayola crayons.

It makes me angry that yet again we got found out for duplicity and ignominy. It’s bad for democracy that we’re shown up for what we are and what we’ve become.

I’m also disappointed that Jack McConnell had the wit to get his timing just right on the hacking revelation, unlike me – Joanie cum lately.

I am a dirty wee hacker too, but nobody appears that interested.

COMEDY RELIEF

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Filed under Culture, Fable, Labour, Media, Morality, Opinion

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